I had bad friends and I was involved in a relationship with a guy. Now I am in 10th class and feel ashamed, and that is why I did to myself all this.
I am still with him and can’t leave him because then he blackmails me. He is very loving, but on the Day of Judgment what I will say to Allah? I am very bad.
He doesn’t take this issue seriously. I want to end this relationship because we don’t have any guarantee that we will be husband and wife in the future, and I only want to be a good Muslim. Please help me!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•I agree with you sister that you have to end this relationship right away.
•This is an abusive relationship that you have to protect yourself from immediately and never allow any person to harm you.
•Maintain the relationship between you and Allah and resort to du`aa’ as much as you can.
As-Salamu `Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for your question and your trust. May Allah reward you abundantly for wanting to be on His path, and may He replace all your bad deeds with good ones.
Ending haram relationship
I’m so sorry dear sister for the situation you are in now. I know it must be a difficult situation for you.
May Allah guide you to a way out very soon in sha’ Allah. Of course, I agree with you sister that you have to end this relationship right away.
According to what you say, there is no guarantee that you will both get married, and I guess this relationship is not known to your parents, therefore it cannot be considered as an engagement according to Shari’ah, which is a declared consent that you both are in the process of marriage.
This is besides the fact that there are several things you say about the guy which make him untrustworthy (we pray Allah he will be a better person in the future).
You say he is a loving person, but how when he is ready to harm and blackmail who he loves? This means he doesn’t really love you and care for you.
It is most likely that he is just enjoying his time and taking advantage of you.
Also, you say when you talk about the Day of Judgment and what you will be able to say to Allah, he doesn’t take it serious; this is a great red sign that he is not God-fearing (may Allah guide him to His path) which makes a person totally untrustworthy.
In addition, this is an abusive relationship that you have to protect yourself from immediately and never allow any person to harm you.
Seeking Support
Dear sister, I have to tell you there is much information I am missing to be able to provide you with the appropriate help.
For example, I don’t know to what extent your relationship went or what you mean exactly when you say ‘and that is why I did to myself all this.
“What have you done to yourself? And what kind of blackmail would he use against you? What do you think the harms and negative consequences on you will be if you really leave him? I suggest that you send us back more details about the situation; hopefully, we will be able to provide you with more help.
Another solution is that you search for a trustworthy adult whom you know and feel comfortable with, and who can understand you and your situation and is ready to support you.
Check out this counseling answer
This can be a teacher, a school counselor, an older friend, a relative.
Talk to that adult and tell her about the whole situation and that you are insisting on leaving that guy but that you are afraid he would blackmail you.
Conclusion
In the meantime, maintain the relationship between you and Allah and resort to du`aa’ as much as you can.
He will in sha’ Allah light up the way for you and send you the necessary help.
Also, try to gradually focus on finding a good company; this will be a good support for you and will be a good source of emotions and warm relationships you surely need.
We all need to be among people who love us and who we love, and that is why we sometimes get involved in bad relationships which we might think at first will provide us with that love and care we need.
However, we have to be careful in choosing the relationship that will be good for us and our well being.
I don’t say that we will never do mistakes in choosing our relationships; we are humans and we do mistakes all through our lives.
Thus, is natural that we slip down, but the good person is he who learns and grows from his mistakes.
Please feel free to right us back. We really want to help and support you.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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