I Like This Guy, But He Has Refused to Marry Me

17 September, 2020
Q Assalamu Alaikum. I received a marriage proposal from familiar people. I liked the guy but still prayed isthikhara to seek counsel from Allah.

After performing the prayer, positive things started happening. I interpreted this as the answer to my prayer. The guy and I told each other that we have mutual feelings for one another, and agreed to marry.

After talking for about 3 months, he visited my place with his family. After this meeting, he told me that this proposal is not going to work because I’m wealthier than him.

I still have feelings for him, and he confirmed the same. However, he stopped responding to my texts.

I decided to say yes to his proposal only after praying isthikhara. Everything was moving so easily, and we had mutual feelings.

I was sure we were meant for each other. I am really worried and confused now. Is Allah testing me? Should I wait for him, or move on?

I would also like to know if it is permissible to perform another isthikhara for this proposal. Please advise.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

In this situation Sister, there is, unfortunately, nothing you can do to change this.

I will kindly advise you to not push things that you cannot change. You performed the istakharra prayer and got a positive response; however, it did not work out.

Perhaps Allah shut this door as He was saving you from future heartache. Allah knows best.

You may perform istakharra prayer again; however, you may have already gotten your answer.

Sister, if you feel you must try one more time, I would kindly suggest that you make Dua to Allah to touch his and his family’s hearts regarding this.

If there is no response after a reasonable time, I would kindly suggest that you move on.


As salamu Alaykum,

You stated that you received a marriage proposal from somebody that was familiar to you. You did like the guy, and you performed istakharra prayer to seek Allah’s guidance as it was an important decision in your life.

Wealth Complicates a Proposal

You felt that there was a positive response to your prayer as he started to talk to you and you both agreed on marriage. However, he felt that the marriage would not work after he visited your home with his family because your family is wealthier than his.

Sister, this is a really sad situation because wealth is standing in the way of a possibly wonderful marriage. It is true that a woman can be married for her wealth although her piety is best.

Possibly Feeling Financially Inadequate

It seems that your family’s wealth or your wealth may have caused him to feel intimidated. He may feel that he is not able to provide for you in the way that you are used to.

Islamically, there is no reason why you should not marry as long as you are both acceptable for one another. However, it appears that either cultural values, intimidation, or fear are getting in the way of what could have been a nice marriage.

To Let go or Keep Trying

Sister, he told you that he still has feelings for you; it is apparent that he does like you. However, he has stopped texting you. It is probably his family that may not permit the marriage due to the unequal status of wealth.

In this situation Sister, there is, unfortunately, nothing you can do to change this. It appears that there’s nothing he can do to change it either.

I Like This Guy, But He Has Refused to Marry Me - About Islam

Istakharra Prayer

With that said, I will kindly advise you to not push things that you cannot change. You performed the istakharra prayer and got a positive response; however, it did not work out.

Sister, we are to take many things into consideration when we make istakharra prayer. Just because he talked to you and you both agreed to marry, it did not mean it would happen. There were other factors to watch out for.

In your case, the marriage was called off due to wealth. Perhaps Allah shut this „door” as He was saving you from future heartache. Allah knows best.

You may perform istakharra prayer again; however, you may have already gotten your answer. Please just trust in Allah Sister; no door is closed except by Allah’s will.

Conclusion

Sister, if you feel you must try one more time, I would kindly suggest that you make Dua to Allah to touch his and his family’s hearts regarding this. If this is a situation that happened only a few days or weeks ago, perhaps they may rethink the marriage.

If there is no response after a reasonable time, I would kindly suggest that you move on. This is a sad situation but Allah knows best, and He is the best of healers.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.