Short Answer: I agree with you that obeying your husband comes after obeying God. And if the two contradict then definitely you need to work harder in getting your husband to at least accept your commitment to God. What you’re doing is not at all extreme or going over the top, these are just the simple basics of Islam, so you’re simply just “walking the talk” by practicing what you say you believe.
Salam Dear Fatima,
Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.
I’ve faced your same question many times with new Muslims, both men and women.
It’s always very stressful when one spouse evolves in Islam while the other resists the progress.
I agree with you that obeying your husband comes after obeying God.
And if the two contradict then definitely you need to work harder in getting your husband to at least accept your commitment to God.
It’s Not Extreme To Be Grateful To God
What you’re doing is not at all extreme or going over the top, these are just the simple basics of Islam, so you’re simply just “walking the talk” by practicing what you say you believe.
Simply put, if you believe you have a God who created you, you know the purpose of your creation.
Then, you also accept that you owe your God praise and worship in return for all His favors and bounty He gave you so generously.
This we have to do according to what God decreed for us, and not according to our own whims and interpretations of how He prefers to be worshiped by His creation.
If we say we believe and don’t follow through with the actions to prove it, we still have a lot to work on when it comes to faith. It’s just like saying to someone “I love you” but don’t do anything to show that love or to prove it exists.
He Needs To Be Reminded Of His Purpose
Your husband’s first step towards improvement is reviving his faith in God, he should read more Quran and other books on Islam to remind him of the beauty of his faith and the responsibilities he is neglecting towards it.
He needs to be reminded that as you grow in your love for God, you also become a better wife for him because practicing our faith makes you a better person.
You might need to try worshiping together one quiet evening. This really brings married couples much closer.
Try to also make friends with other Muslim couples who are practicing and nice cheerful people, don’t underestimate the power of a good environment on supporting us to improve our lives.
You should also make du’aa’ (supplication) to God to guide your husband’s heart to His love like He guided yours, and to shine the light of faith in his heart and mind to give you both happiness and tranquility.
Remember: You Are Not Responsible For Him
In the end, we should also remember that we can’t guide whom we love, but it’s Allah who guides whom He wills.
So if you try everything you could with kindness and wise advice and your husband is still unwilling to join you in practicing Islam, then you have to accept that this is his choice and that each of us is accountable for their deeds in front of God.
However, don’t let that weaken your resolve to remain on the straight path and obey God above all else.
May Allah guide you and support you to always do what’s best.
Salam and please keep in touch.
(From AboutIslam’s archives)