Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alikum Brother,
Firstly, you should not feel so guilty about your choices. Allah made possible for aMuslim man to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, and you didn’t commit any sin on that matter. She seemed to be a believer and if her conversion was or was not sincere, only Allah knows, but you did not put yourself in any “mess” because of it – it turned out messy unfortunately.
I did not understand why you and your wife aren’t living together. (You mentioned she stayed with her mother.) A good way to try to keep your family united and make sure your kids are developing their deen (religion) is definitely by living with your family, if possible. The relationship between the two should be more intimate.
You mentioned that your wife “makes you see” your daughters. That expression shows that you are doing this as a task and not as a pleasant activity. Spending quality time with your children, either teaching them about religion or simply playing, must to be something that you enjoy and engage in. Don’t create unnecessary anxiety around your daughters’ behavior; they are both too young and it’s normal that they feel more comfortable around the parent whom they are more familiar with. They probably need more time with you and will slowly warm up and spend time with you alone.
You are too worried about your wife’s practice and you are not considering that you and she have a family together. You
“There shall be no compulsion in [acceptance of] the religion. The right course has become clear from the wrong. So whoever disbelieves in Taghut and believes in Allah has grasped the most trustworthy handhold with no break in it. And Allah is Hearing and Knowing.” (Qur’an 2:256)
Despite not being religiously observant, if she does not stop you to grow religiously and does not stand in your way to teach your kids, her relationship with Allah is personal. Putting pressure on her won’t help her to commit to Islam; you must lead by example. This negative spiral will only continue to hurt your relationship and potentially hurt your relationship with your children. The best example you can give to your children is empathy for your wife’s struggle. The truth is, she is Muslim, and she chose to be years ago, and it is not always easy for converts to adapt to the religion and be devoted. You cannot control how your wife and children choose to practice the faith, but you can guide and lead through example and gentle invitations.
The question is, do you want to stay married? Besides her religiosity, is she a good wife? If the answer is yes, brother, you should not end your marriage because she does not pray. What religiosity means to you might not be the same for her. You should not judge her beliefs based on your practice. If you want to keep your family united, you must appreciate what you have in common, discuss expectations, and work on your conflict resolution skills. Family is sacred brother, unless you are in abusive relationship, thus couples should always try all the recourses to overcome challenges.
“And among his signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy.” (Qur’an 30: 21)
I suggest you do not give up on your family exclusively because of your wife’s religiosity. I have also found that in similar cases like this one, the born Muslim partner does not always have sound knowledge and practice and this is what leads the faith of the household. Therefore, I advise you to seek knowledge and develop your soul; evidence is required for any matter, even religious. Your most important goal should be to create a happy and healthy atmosphere for your family. It is to be the best father you can for your kids so they can learn and grow their faith.
May Allah (swt) bless you and guide you to the right path.
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