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Husband Doesn’t Allow Me to Put on Hijab

Questioner

A

Reply Date

Mar 11, 2017

Question

I am a Muslim. I try to dress as modestly as possible according to the teachings of Islam. I want to put on hijab as well, but my husband is not keen on that. Please advise me what I should do. He is very adamant on me not putting it. I am very confused what will Allah (SWT) decide for me. I know that for the peace of my family, which is a temporary thing of this world, I am disobeying Allah. But what can I do?

Counselor

Answer


Husband Doesn’t Allow Me to Put on Hijab

Answer:

As-Salaam ’Alaikum sister,

As you know, your responsibility towards God and your husband are important, but to God it is more. I understand you are concerned about how this is a big step and that wearing hijab can affect your marriage if your husband is not fully supportive. Here are a few things to consider:

If you have not already, speak with a variety of women who wear hijab and get their feedback about the good and the bad experiences. This will give you a broader view of the experience.

Consider that your husband maybe worried because he is expecting only the bad when you wear hijab (more likely to be targeted and in danger, etc.) If this is so, remind him that there are cases when people show admiration and respect or ask questions about Islam, and you can make da’wah. There are a lot of possibilities and, of course, we trust in Allah if we do things for His sake.

Wearing hijab is considered an obligation by the majority of Islamic scholars, but it is also a step that can endanger you and your family depending on where you live in the U.S. Consider your environment as this may be why your husband is worried. However, he might have other reasons for not allowing you the hijab. In any case, I advise that you both talk to the local imam about this issue. His words might also help you convince your husband.

Yes, hijab is a very important step of devotion, but if you do not have your prayer and other pillars of Islam, faith internalized solid, then consider taking more time. There are some women who do not wear hijab and they are pious believers, and there are women who wear hijab and their character is horrible and their faith is weak.

  • Hijab is not the only defining symbol for your station with God. All believers should work hard to purify their inner and outer reality. Ultimately, you want to be a woman who wears hijab and has excellent character and faith to go with it.
  • You need to make this decision for the sake of God, but that does not mean ignoring your husband’s concerns. Remember, actions are rewarded by intentions, and you can still get rewarded for intending to wear hijab even if you have to postpone it because it will cause friction right now for you and your husband.
  • You need to balance the pros and cons of each scenario. If wearing hijab means marriage problems for you, it may take away from the accomplishments you and your husband have made so far as a couple. If you don’t wear hijab and it keeps the peace, it will allow more growing together, and your husband might come around. You need to consider the big picture and long term benefit and know that God is Most Merciful and Understanding, in sha’Allah.

Do not wear hijab out of fear, but out of love. God knows best. With patience and greater learning, perhaps your husband will support you one day. If you choose to wear it anyways, be prepared for issues that may arise and plan seeking support from other sisters with similar experiences.

Salam,

***

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About Karim Serageldin

Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: http://www.noorhumanconsulting.com or facebook.com/noorhumanconsulting

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