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Am I Ready to Marry Her?

Questioner

M

Reply Date

Apr 02, 2018

Question

As-Salamu Alaikom. I’m going through a tough time as I am in love with a girl since my graduation. At that time, I promised her to marry her after completing my post-graduation. Now, the time has arrived but I’m not in the situation to get married yet as I still haven’t got a job. It’s a crucial time for me, and my family and her family know this well. As my younger sister-in-law is going to get married after 2 months, in sha’ Allah, my parents are willing to marry me off after two months, but I feel I’m not in the situation to handle all this. I’m still a student. I’m now so frustrated and it slows down my studies as well. I cannot concentrate on my studies. I’m in a great depression nowadays. I cannot sleep well; I sometimes even forget to eat. On the other hand, I know very well that I will not be able to find a girl like her if I missed her. Her parents may wait for a year but not more than that. I make du’aa’ and ask Allah to help. I have not shared this matter even with my close friends. I am sharing this with you now, hoping that you will be able to provide me with a solution. Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


Am I Ready to Marry Her?

In this counseling answer:

“If you feel that getting married in the next few months is too soon and you are not ready because of financial stability, this is a valid point. However, if both your families are okay with it, perhaps you can consider it as an option. Usually, parents would not offer for their children to get married if they saw you were not ready.”


As-Salaam ’Alaikum brother,

Your anxiety is due to your concern about the future. When we are not sure of how something will end up, we feel a need to try to control it, or we shut down and get sad as you described. Although no one knows the future, except Allah, we can, however, predict it based on our actions of today and our confidence in Allah. If your main concern is due to not having a job within a year, then how is slowing down your studies and not graduating on time make any sense? Do not let your emotions take over; you need to think with your brain right now. The rational steps you should be taking are the following:

Maintain a quality connection with the Almighty. Do not lose hope and confidence in Allah’s ability to facilitate what you need. Remember, what we think should happen and how it should happen may not be the way Allah will facilitate it. He, Most High, is the Best of Planners and Most Wise. Be patient as you see the events of your life unfold.

“And there is no creature on earth but that upon Allah is its provision, and He knows its place of dwelling and place of storage. All is in a clear register.” (Quran 11:6)

This is an opportunity to practice true spirituality and trust in Allah’s Attributes.

“…Indeed, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).” (Quran 3:159)

Consider it a “training ground” to become a better and stronger man for your marriage. As a husband, you will be expected to have leadership in your household, especially in Islam. Become firm in your faith and action now so that you do not fall apart later when you are most needed.

Establish a commitment to the sister and her family and present your plan for the future. Show them that you are doing your best to get everything in order (graduate, find work etc.). This way, they know you are dedicated and doing what you can. It will also emphasize your care for this sister and commitment to be with her to her family.

Get focused on actually completing your studies successfully and start making professional connections with job prospects from now. You have one year so you must make the most of it!

If you feel that getting married in the next few months is too soon and you are not ready because of financial stability, this is a valid point. However, if both your families are okay with it, perhaps you can consider it as an option.

Usually, parents would not offer for their children to get married if they saw you were not ready. Perhaps, as parents usually do, they will help you with the finances until you get a job. Talk to them about your concerns and ask their opinion. In sha’ Allah, Allah is going to make it easy on you, just trust in Him. Once arrangements are made, the provision will come as well, In sha’ Allah.

I hope you can take my feedback and feel excited about your future and get moving to what you feel is the best course of action. May Allah give you success, Amin.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

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About Karim Serageldin

Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: http://www.noorhumanconsulting.com or facebook.com/noorhumanconsulting

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