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Increasing Sexual Drive Before the Wedding Night

Questioner

A

Reply Date

Jul 04, 2018

Question

As-Salam ‘Alekum. I am getting married after 2 months, In sha’Allah. I love my fiancée a lot, but for the past 2 years I feel my natural feelings of sexual attraction toward women has decreased (please note I don’t have feelings for men!) Previously, I was very strong, but now I feel my energy and excitement for sex has been lost.

I feel a bit confused and nervous now about how I will act with my wife on the marriage night and afterwards. Sometimes, I think about using special medicines or tonics to increase my sexual power, but I fear it may have side effects on me or my future wife. I am not even sure whether using such substances are allowed in Islam. Please advise me what to do!

Counselor

Answer


Increasing Sexual Drive Before the Wedding Night

In this counseling answer:

• I don’t think you should be so nervous. You don’t have a problem yet; your lack of interest in sex will naturally decrease due to biological changes.

• It is permissible to use any medicine or special food items to increase the energy and strength in order to perform anything that is permissible according to the Shari`ah”. But you should be very careful with the indiscriminate use of those medicines.


 As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Brother,

I will in sha’ Allah try to address your issue from the biological and Islamic point of view. It isn’t uncommon that over the years our sexual drive decreases due to biological reasons. The main one is the hormone of testosterone which is responsible for growth in the body, including genital development, sexual drive, and production of sperm. The levels of testosterone are usually higher in the morning and decrease at night. The biggest peak of testosterone production is definitely the late teens and by age 30, a man’s testosterone level is decreasing by about 1 percent a year.

Taking this into consideration, I believe you might be going through a natural process of the human body. Being 31 years old, your body won’t react to stimulation as fast as it used to before in your 20’s. However, exercise and building muscle help increase production of testosterone. If you are lacking in physical activity, this also will influence your sexuality due to lack of producing energy and testosterone.

The other aspect is regions of the brain also stimulate your sexual drive. That is why you can think about images and get physically aroused. When we are busy and our mind is occupied with other responsibilities, we may not find ourselves getting aroused as frequently as we used to. The older we get, the more tasks we have and our mind is occupied. I am assuming that you probably work and have many other activities and responsibilities throughout your day. It is perfectly normal that you haven’t had much time to think about women and arouse your libido.

For many males, the use of pornography and masturbation can also harm sexuality. The more men are into pornography, the less they are into sex in real life. Pornography provides the brain to be aroused by an image and not a relationship. That is a very common reason why men lose interest in sex with their wives. Pornography damages the mind and heart and takes away one’s ability to be aroused by real sexual encounters because it is fast, novel and seemingly infinite in fantasy. I would advise you see this website if this is your case as it will teach you about how pornography damages one’s sexual energy.


Check out this counseling video:

 


Furthermore, brother, we have to understand that everyone is different when it comes to sexual energy, and you might be too hard on yourself. According to what/who you believe that you don’t have your “manpower?” Often, we are lead to believe in concepts and theories in the media, for example, that makes us think that to be a man is this or that. Many of us create huge expectations for our sexual lives that sometimes become unrealistic.

Honestly, I don’t think you should be so nervous. You don’t have a problem yet; your lack of interest in sex will naturally decrease due to biological changes. It is a fact. On top of that, you are nervous and don’t know what to expect from this new phase of your life, and of course, you want to fulfill all your wife’s needs, and it might be causing you unnecessary anxiety that reflects directly in your body function. Stress can also diminish one’s libido.

Remember, when it comes to sexual life, unless you have a physical disorder such as diabetes, heart or kidney problems, your sex drive is likely to be fine. Perhaps, you are nervous about performing with your wife and this can lead to personal blocks. I would not rush to take any supplements until you have had some time to adjust to your marriage and naturally let relations evolve between the two of you. You do not have to have sex on the wedding night; it is actually up to the couple. For some couples, it is better to take things slow and grow intimacy first. In fact, having sex with someone you have never touched before can be traumatic for some, especially the woman.

Addressing your question about the pills to enhance your sexual life, according to Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi, former president of the Islamic Society of North America, “It is permissible to use any medicine or special food items to increase the energy and strength in order to perform anything that is permissible according to the Shari`ah.

But you should be very careful with the indiscriminate use of those medicines. The appropriate way for a man to deal with any type of dysfunction is to see his physician. A doctor will properly run hormone tests and make an evaluation. Sex will come with intimacy brother. As soon as you experience and develop intimacy with your fiancée your concerns will disappear, in sha’ Allah.

Salams,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Should Spouses Make Love on the Wedding Night?

13 Things You Should Know Before the Wedding Night

Afraid of Wedding Night Disaster




About Karim Serageldin

Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: http://www.noorhumanconsulting.com or facebook.com/noorhumanconsulting


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