During that time, I moved back into my parents house and told them that I had converted to Islam. Where I live, the population is around 3% of Muslim and since I'm somewhat newly converted, I have not formed relationships or met many sisters who I can learn from or just talk to. (I've lost my previous friends during the marriage)
My question is, what are some practical steps I can take to heal and feel relieved from the loneliness due to our separation?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Be kind to yourself, take your time, and don’t place any undue pressure on yourself during these testing times.
- When you are feeling ready, seek to integrate yourself into your local Muslim community.
- Take advantage and learn more about Islam. This would be an ideal way to forge friendships with other sisters who are also on the quest to increase their knowledge.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
You have just been through a divorce, and even though you have been able to move back in with your parents, you face an isolated life as a new revert in a country where there are few Muslims and you are not yet established in the community.
Still Fresh Experience
At the moment, everything is still fresh as you adjust to some big changes in your life.
Facing one of these things alone can be daunting enough, whether it is divorce, reverting to a new religion and way of life, living somewhere where you are in the minority, or moving to a new home with your parents.
Each of these things alone comes with its own unique challenges, but you are faced with them all at once. May Allah make it easy for you.
All these things are still so fresh to you and will all take a period of adjustment.
Be Kind to Yourself
So, with this in mind, my first piece of advice is to be kind to yourself, take your time, and don’t place any undue pressure on yourself during these testing times.
Alhamdulillah, at least for a start, you are at home with your parents, so you can be cared for and receive emotional support from those close to you.
Take advantage of this opportunity to rest and recuperate as you make your next steps forward. It will provide a safe and stable environment in which you will be able to move at your own pace.
With it all being so new to you, do take your time. Don’t rush things. For now, it’s important to take care of yourself to allow for healing.
Integrate Into Local Community
When you are feeling ready, seek to integrate yourself into your local Muslim community.
Find out where your closest masjid is and begin making connections. Find out if they have any classes for sisters or regular meetups that you could attend, and go from there.
You may find that they are Muslim families living closer to you than you realize.
Perhaps the easiest way to start here would be to attend Friday prayer or contact the masjid online if they have a website.
Online Community
As well as connecting locally with other sisters, given the minimal Muslim population where you live, you might also seek friendships online.
You might do this through trusted social media groups.
Study and Join Students
Alternatively, as a new Muslim in the search for knowledge on Islam, I would strongly recommend taking advantage of any of the many online courses available.
Many of these courses have groups for the students to connect with as well.
This would be an ideal way to forge friendships with other sisters who are also on the quest to increase their knowledge.
This will then serve the purpose of giving you something productive to do whilst meeting and bonding with others also and helping you on your new journey in Islam.
As well as making connections with sisters as part of your healing, you could also connect with others in the community.
If there are other things going on that interest you and are within the bounds of Islam, then go for them, especially if it’s an opportunity to engage in a hobby you love or get some gentle exercise.
Do look into any ladies’ groups that do such things locally that you might be interested in getting involved in.
Rekindling Past Friendships
I also wonder if there would be any chance of you rekindling past relationships with those you lost during your marriage.
If circumstances would not allow and it would cause you further difficulties, then overlook this, but if it’s something that perhaps you’d like to consider, then maybe you could reach out gently to them also, maybe from a distance via the phone, to start to enable bonds to rekindle first.
Of course, if you are not comfortable doing this, don’t force it and make things any more difficult for yourself at this time.
Counseling
If, after some time, you are still feeling down and like things are not improving for you emotionally, reach out to get some counseling support to provide you with a space to express your feelings further.
This may be particularly useful if you have not yet found anybody, locally or online, Muslim or not, with whom you have made an emotional connection and who can help you heal from your new wounds.
May Allah ease your difficulties during these testing times, and may He make a comforting path forward for you that will be filled with happiness and success in this life and the next.
More from Hannah Morris:
- Heal your Heart with Sr Hannah’s Advice
- Feeling Depressed & Traumatized; What Shall I Do?
- Husband’s Work Life is Killing Our Marriage
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