Answer
In this counseling answer:
•Discuss the reasons for him behaving this way. Once you locate the source you can work together to make compromises that will satisfy both yours and his needs.
•Working together like this will also make him feel less like you are overly exerting authority over him, which is commonly the cause of adolescents rebelling in the way your son is.
•Make an agreement with him about what punishment he should face should he not comply. Again, this is more likely to encourage him to accept such without verbally abusing you as they are rules he has had a part in deciding also.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
It is very common in children of this age to behave in this way. This occurs as they reach a stage of moral development where they begin to question those in authority and try and find their place in the world.
Unfortunately, this is often directed to those who have had direct authority over them to this point in their life – usually parents and teachers.
In sha Allah it is a stage that will pass as he becomes more comfortable with his place in the world, but that also does not make his behavior acceptable at all and he needs to know that.
As a minor, he is still in a position where you could punish him through means of with oldie privileges for example, such as internet time, or games consoles if he uses them, or even being with friends.
This is an option, but depending on how he is may or may not be effective another option is to take a more positive approach and focus on taking a collaborative approach.
In discussion with him, discuss the reasons for him behaving this way. Does it happen at a particular time or when something in particular happens? Or is there something going on in this life that you are not aware of?
Once you locate the source you can work together to make compromises that will satisfy both yours and his needs.
Working together like this will also make him feel less like you are overly exerting authority over him, which is commonly the cause of adolescents rebelling in the way your son is. It will place him in a more equal position in some way that he feels he at least has some say.
It will give him a feeling of responsibility that will be more likely to develop the ability to be respectful to you who is working in collaboration with him to help him meet his goals.
It will let him know also that it is necessary for you to be there and have a say also but that you are doing so in a supportive way respecting his needs also.
Due to having a part in the discussion and plan, he is far me likely to comply to your requests and be respectful of maintaining boundaries.
Likewise, in this discussion you can even make an agreement with him about what punishment he should face should he not comply. Again, this is more likely to encourage him to accept such without verbally abusing you as they are rules he has had a part in deciding also.
If there are other family members who play a significant role in his life, you could involve them also so that he feels comforted by the support as well as feeling more desire to comply and be more respectful.
Or, if there is anyone that you know he does respect and listens to perhaps you could ask them to talk to him about the way he talks to you also.
Check out this counseling video
Furthermore, do take some time to consider the people he is hanging around with. Is it likely that they could be influencing him to behave in this way? Are they going through the same as him? Are they just behaving in a typical way or is there something more sinister at play.
Perhaps you may speak to their parents if you feel they are the source of his difficulties.
Also, encourage him to spend time with children his age that you know will be a good influence by attending classes in the masjid or if you have friends with children of the same age.
May Allah reward your concern for him and desire to do what is best for him and may He guide your son aright.
Salam,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
Read more: