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Can I Force My Daughter to Wear Hijab?

08 July, 2020
Q My daughter is turning 13 this year and she has already reached the age of puberty.

I am trying my best to convince her to wear the hijab, but she always says her peers would make fun of her being the only Muslim in the class.

Can you suggest some interesting tips for me to use? Can I force her to wear it or threaten her with something she likes?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Encourage her to wear Hijab by offering her small rewards when she does wear it.

•Try to buy scarves that will match or compliment her style and leave them lying out for her.

Encourage her to find her own style of hijab which she feels comfortable in. Show her different styles of hijab of girls her age in Islamic magazines and on-line.

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•Getting her involved in Islamic social activities with girls her age who wear hijab may also help.

•You can’t really force her sister, you can only gently guide her, encourage her, show her the blessings and benefits and provide her with good examples.


As-salamu alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us.

While you could threaten her, you would not like the results.

It would only serve to make her want to run further away from the hijab as she may associate it with punishment and manipulation.

Offering rewards

I would, however, encourage her to wear it by offering her small rewards when she does wear it. This way, she will associate it with good things not bad.

Also, encourage her to find her own style of hijab which she feels comfortable in. Show her different styles of hijab of girls her age in Islamic magazines and on-line.

Ask her about her favorite colors, materials, styles etc. Look at the clothes she wears and notate what she likes. Try to buy scarves that will match or compliment her style and leave them lying out for her. It may pique her interest.

Getting involved in activities

Getting her involved in Islamic social activities with girls her age who wear hijab may also help. As she goes out more often with girls who cover, she may eventually decide to cover all the time.

It is something she will need to get used to, to grow into and accept for the sake of Allah, as well as wanting to conform to her peers around her as she is still young.

Can I Force My Daughter to Wear Hijab? - About Islam

As she is at an age of understanding, it is important to talk about the wearing of hijab and why women are to wear hijab.

You can discuss how Allah commands women to cover as He loves us and wants us to remain safe, sage as pearls in a shell as diamonds in rocks.

You can illustrate and compare her beauty to something that is sacred and to be cherished. Most important is to advise her on obedience to Allah and love for Allah regarding wearing hijab, and ask her to pray on it.


Check out this counseling video


Don’t Force, Gently Guide

You can’t really force her sister, you can only gently guide her, encourage her, show her the blessings and benefits and provide her with good examples.

Hijab is something that not only reverts, but young girls born into Muslim families sometimes have to adjust to.

Loving, gentle encouragements will go much further insha’Allah, than harsh strict, punitive measures.

You want her to fall in love with hijab, not turn it into an object of resentment and hatred.

Insha’Allah with patience, time and encouragement, your daughter will outgrow her fear of what her classmates will say, and be more concerned with pleasing Allah.

It is a growing process. At this age it is difficult, but with difficulty comes ease.

You are in our prayers, please let us know how things are going.

Salam

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.