So I got married last year December but I did not want the marriage to happen.
But all my family was pressuring me that the guy was amazing and he would take care of me so I said yes.
He loves me deeply but I don't love him because there is someone I love who I wanted to get married to but did not happen.
And I still love that guy more than my husband I know that is wrong to say but I just don't see my husband like, I see him as an older brother.
I tried loving my husband so much but there is nothing there sometimes we don't talk for days and I won't miss him or think of him and I don't want the marriage to continue. But they say, in Islam a women can't divorce her husband.
I recently started talking to my ex and all of my feelings for him have returned and we text and call each other for hours.
And sometimes we send haram pic and I know that this is cheating on my husband and its wrong but I don't feel bad or guilty.
Oh Allah forgive me! Please help me I don't know if I should tell my husband that I don't want the marriage any more?
Thank you.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
It is not your husband’s fault that you were pressurized into marrying him. I assume he does not even know about it. He loves you, and it is not fair toward him.
Being in contact with your ex-boyfriend is not a good idea.
Sister, I’d advise you to cut any contact with your ex and try sincerely to bond with your husband.
As Salaam ‘Aleikom sister,
You are still very young and it is sad to hear about your situation with your husband.
Unfortunately, many Asians/Arabic parents and families pressurize their children to marry someone they don’t like.
I am sure your parents only wanted to see you happy and wanted the best for you, but it is wrong to pressurize someone into a marriage.
It must be really hard for you to live with your husband when you don’t feel anything for him.
In contact with ex
Being in contact with your ex-boyfriend is not a good idea. It will not help you to develop a feeling for your husband when you are talking to someone you already have feelings for.
It makes the whole situation worse and it is completely wrong. You are not only cheating on your husband, but you are also doing a haram act by sending your nude pics to a man who is not your husband.
It is not your husband’s fault that you were pressurized into marrying him. I assume he does not even know about it. He loves you, and it is not fair toward him.
I’d advise you sister, to cut any contact with your ex and try sincerely to bond with your husband.
Separation
If your are not ready to continue with your marriage and you’re considering separation, ask yourself some questions:
Does your ex-boyfriend want to marry you? Did you tell your parents that you wanted to marry him before you got married to your husband?
If you believe your ex-boyfriend is a good Muslim and a good person who can support you and be there for you. Then it is better to leave your husband than cheating on him and being unfaithful. You have to make a conscious decision.
You are allowed to ask for khula (divorce) in Islam. It might not be encouraged in Islam to divorce, but you can if you have to.
Now that you do not have children with your husband it is easier to separate. Divorce can have a bad impact on the children and make it hard for a mother to look after them alone.
Check out this counseling video:
Talk it out
If you think you can’t be happy with your husband, then I suggest that you sit down with your parents and talk properly with them about it first.
In meantime, do not talk too much with your ex-boyfriend and do not send him pictures of you.
If he and you want to marry each other then you should go the halal way rather than do things the haram way.
He will lose respect for you if you send him nude pics and might not want to marry you later. Make sure he is worth you leaving your husband.
Be rational
You are very young and might be very emotional and not think rationally. I advise you to think properly and give yourself plenty of time to make a decision.
Follow your instinct and trust your parents’ judgment as well as they have lived longer and have more experience with life.
What we believe is right for us is not always right. Do not just follow your heart but think with your head.
May Allah (swt) guide you on the right path and make it easier for you.
Salam,
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Read more:
https://aboutislam.net/family-life/husbands-wives/getting-divorce-five-things-consider/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-scholar/family/valid-reasons-for-divorce-in-islam/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/cant-forgive-wife-cheated/