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Brother-in-Law Seduced Me; My Husband Found It Out

Questioner

D

Reply Date

Jul 29, 2018

Question

A year ago, I went on holiday to my parents’ home country. I went with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law, and I took my little son as well. I had had a bad relationship with my husband before we went. Whilst overseas, my sister-in-law allowed her brother-in-laws to enter the house.

Things got out of hand and one of her brothers-in-law started talking to me. We became friends, and when I told him about my situation with my husband, he brainwashed me to the extent that I left my husband in order to marry him. Our relationship went further, and we did things that were wrong – may Allah forgive me, but alhamdulillah we did not have sex.

When I returned from my holiday, my husband partially found out what I had done. I have been repenting ever since. Is this the way I should handle this? Should I keep the bad things I did between myself and Allah so that it doesn't lead to divorce? If my parents find out, they will be so angry, and they would never forgive me.

Counselor

Answer


Brother-in-law seduced me

In this counseling answer:

Always remember that honesty and truth are the valued virtues in Islam and that deeds are according to intentions. Remember that Allah (SWT) knows the truth whether you hide it or not.


 As-Salmu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,

In Islam, marriage is a sacred bond that should be respected and cherished despite the bad times. Just because there are bad times, one should not take it for granted that the marriage has ended, or even that the marriage is weakened beyond repair. We are only human after all, and many aspects can contribute towards giving our best at any given time, besides a lack of commitment.

You were responsible for your own actions when you chose to talk to your relative about the situation with your husband, just as he was responsible:

“No man should stay with a lady in seclusion except in the presence of a Mahram.” (Al Bukhari)

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said: 

“Anyone who incites a woman against her husband or a slave against his master is not one of us.” (Abu Dawud)

By talking to your distant relative in this manner, you helped him towards making a judgment on the marriage and to take advantage of the situation. None of you acted with self-respect, and it is not right to blame it on your sister-in-law because still, the choice was yours.


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Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said:

“Allah has a sense of ghira (self respect), and Allah’s sense of ghira is provoked when a believer does something which Allah has prohibited.” (Al Bukhari)

It is not apparent as to what took place between you and your sister-in-law’s brother-in-law, but because the “relationship” did not decline into sex, it does not mean that nothing serious has taken place, for fornication in Islam begins with the eyes, speech, and the hands. These are not precursors to fornication but are forms of fornication themselves.

Also, it is not apparent as to how your husband found out about the affair, but you have to ask yourself if that which or who informed him also has the capacity to inform him of the details of the affair. Only you are aware of this, and as you wrestle with what you did, it is acceptable to invent good news that can help mend many broken bridges.

“He who makes peace between the people by inventing good information or saying good things is not a liar.” (Al Bukhari)

But in context, “inventing good news” can be a useful tool in the hands of those who love to exploit others. Always remember that honesty and truth are the valued virtues in Islam and that deeds are according to intentions. Allah (SWT) knows the truth whether you hide it or not.

May Allah (SWT) help you,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Tricked into an Affair with a Married Muslim Man

Husband Flirts with Other Women: What to Do?

Having An Affair Because of Unromantic Husband




About Hwaa Irfan

Late Hwaa Irfan, may her soul rest in peace, served as consultant, counselor and freelance writer. Her main focus was on traditional healing mechanisms as practiced in various communities, as opposed to Western healing mechanisms.

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