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4 Keys to Overcoming Loss of Any Kind

Qur’anic Healing

2 – Second Key

We’re also told, “Whoever does good, righteous deeds, whether male or female, and is a believer, most certainly We will make him (or her) live a good life, and most certainly We will pay such as these their reward in accordance with the best of what they used to do.” (Quran 16.97).

So literally, we are here for a limited time. We are in a race for doing good, including the multitude of recommended actions in our faith. And all of the beautiful moral characteristics that the Prophet (pbuh).

So our good moral character includes kindness, generosity, forgiveness, justice, faithfulness, etc. This hadith and the oft-mentioned virtues of good moral character in both the Quran and the Sunnah. It emphasizes the five pillars and acts of worship are supposed to shape, enhance and perfect our good moral character.  Our implementation of theses should be our fuel to taking care of the world and making a positive difference.

“I was only sent to perfect good moral character.”

(Ahmad)

3 – Third Key

The third key mentioned in the verses above is to hold on to the truth – the truth of the belief in Allah and His words in the Quran which include the nature of the temporary world we have mentioned, the truth that it will have both the good and the bad, and you will feel happy and sad and we are reminded of this:

“And when some hurt touches man, he cries to his Lord, turning to Him in repentance but when He bestows a favour upon him from Himself, he forgets that for which he cried for before, and he sets up rivals to Allah, in order to mislead others from His path” (Quran: 39:8).

We need to constantly remind each other of this truth because as human beings, we are prone to forget. Forgetting the blessings that Allah showered us with and the years He gave us ease. We tend to only remember the times of difficulty. Remembering when we were tested with some loss of some blessings for reasons that Allah, in His Infinite Knowledge and Wisdom, Knows would ultimately be for our betterment and elevation.

We know from the stories in the Quran and stories of great people whose transformation many times came out of tribulation. The greatest moments of weakness paved the way to the greatest moments of strength.

4 – Fourth Key

Finally the fourth key we are told about is patience. Patience is mentioned repeatedly in the Quran and there can be volumes upon volumes written about the virtues and importance of patience:

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“Oh you who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer, for God is with those who patiently persevere” (Quran 2: 153).

“Patiently, then, persevere – for the Promise of Allah is true, and ask forgiveness for your faults, and celebrate the praises of your Lord in the evening and in the morning” (Quran 40:55).

Of my favorite verses in the Quran that I find very moving is:

“And be patient, [O Muhammad], for the decision of your Lord, for indeed, you are in Our eyes. And exalt [ Allah ] with praise of your Lord when you arise.”

I find this verse to be moving because it’s like Allah is comforting us – assuring us that no matter what we may experience or witness others experience and suffering from, He is there, taking care of us every step of the way. Our part, is once again to support each other to be patient.

A Critical Tip…

It’s important to remember that those last two keys involve supporting one another and reaching out for one another. Many people don’t speak about their losses. Some don’t even want to feel loss because naturally feeling loss entails feeling sorrow, sadness, guilt, or shame.

It’s important to remember just because you don’t talk about it and feel it doesn’t mean it’s not there. In fact, if it’s not dealt with and managed properly, it can affect the rest of your life now or even later.

Many people also don’t speak about their losses because they are afraid of showing their vulnerabilities. They do not want to seem weak or not in control. This can stem from having the tendency to be a perfectionist. Some want things to appear like they’re perfect when we know perfection only belongs to Allah and that in reality, nobody is ‘perfect’ or has a ‘perfect life’. We are told about our weak nature in the Quran and how Allah wishes to help us through those weaknesses:

“Allah would make the burden light for you, for the human being was created weak.”

(Surat Al-Nisa: 28)

Many people also don’t speak about their losses because it may not be comfortable for others – as a society once again we value strength, happiness, and success as opposed to vulnerability, contentment (even when things are not ‘happy’) and ‘failure’ that can serve as valuable life lessons and a stepping stone to greater success in the future. 

Even in school, we are not taught how to manage our emotions – even though emotional intelligence is becoming more and more one of the top skills valued in the professional world.   As a result of this stigma, people end up suppressing any negative feelings, therefore suffering in silence, unable or unwilling to reach out for support.

Who is Your Support?

The important thing to remember is after reaching out to The Ultimate One Who can support you through anything and everything, strengthen you through any weakness, and heal you from any pain, to reach out to those who will understand you, have compassion, and be patient with you in your time of weakness and growth as you transform through learning from your losses. 

Remember: There are professionals who can provide help and should be sought when needed just like physicians are sought for physical conditions.

It’s important to remember though that it can be more damaging to open up about your losses to someone who will be-little your struggle and simply brush it off by asking you to ‘get over it’, so choose carefully whom you choose to share your loss with.

We have beautiful examples from Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who would speak about his late wife Khadijah years after her death and remember how she supported him when nobody else did.

Therefore, when you open up and try to work through loss in a healthy way with the appropriate resources and people, the point is not to make it worse or make the wounds deeper – it’s actually to try to heal them, make sense of them, and learn from them so that you can move on with more purpose and passion and achieve more contentment and success in sha Allah.

For a series of free videos on “Healing”: Overcome Loss, Embrace Contentment, and Re-Ignite Your Passion, please visit http://muslimwomensuccesscoach.com

This article is from our archive, originally published at an earlier date, and now republished for its importance.
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About Um Hadi
Um Hadi has BA in Psychology & Education and acquired certifications in Leadership, Life Coaching, Adults Training, and Relationship Coaching. She is currently completing her Masters in Educational Leadership.