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I Can’t Stop Committing Zina with a Girl; Please Help!

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 24, 2019

Question

Salamu alaikum. I have this female friend of mine. At first, we were just friends, but as time went on, we got connected. We committed zina on several occasions. We have tried all our best to keep away from such act, I even stopped talking to her, stopped calling her, but still, we both couldn't help ourselves.

I have other female friends, but this doesn't usually happen between us. Rather with only this girl. Please help me on how to abstain myself from this and to be a better Muslim. I know zina leads to hellfire. Please help me.

Counselor

Answer


I Can’t Stop Committing Zina with a Girl; Please Help!

In this counseling answer:

• As you can see brother, this is a very powerful connection and that is why (in part) it is strictly confined to the marriage relationship.

• Seek repentance from Allah, ask for His forgiveness, and promise yourself you’ll never do it again.

• Focus your mind and your thoughts on other things. Keep busy with either work, school, family, Islamic studies, going to the mosque, as well as socializing with uplifting righteous Muslim brothers.


As Salamu Alaykum brother,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear of the situation that you have gotten yourself into, my dear brother. As I understand, you have a female friend who you committed zina with on several occasions. As you know, this is haram and a grave sin.

As we can see, there is much wisdom in the rules regarding not having contact with the opposite sex. This is a perfect example of what can happen. You started out as friends, but as you stated time went on, you connected in a sexual way. When you connect sexually with somebody, is often difficult to break away, as you are seeing now.

I Can’t Stop Committing Zina with a Girl; Please Help! - About Islam

Intimacy & Attachment

You stated that you tried to keep away from her. You stopped talking to her, stop calling and you even avoided coming face-to-face with her. Your attempts at avoiding her have not been successful. You keep returning to her and committing zina.

As you can see brother, this is a very powerful connection and that is why (in part) it is strictly confined to the marriage relationship. You stated that you have other female friends, and this doesn’t usually happen between you and your other friends, only this one girl. I am not sure what you meant by “usually”, but I think you can now see it only takes “once” to become a serious problem that is hard to overcome.

As you have developed a sexual, emotional, and intimate relationship with her, of course, it is going to be difficult to break away. However, you cannot continue in this sinful way. You have also acknowledged in your question.

I kindly advise brother, to seek repentance from Allah, ask for His forgiveness, and promise yourself you’ll never do it again. Not only is this promise a part of repentance, it is also a verbal contract between you and your desires. Insha’Allah, you will honor this contract and you will honor your repentance and pleading forgiveness by not seeing this girl. It will be hard, but you will have to cut her off totally. I kindly suggest that insha’Allah, you also make du’aa’ asking Allah to give you the strength to not see her or speak to her anymore.


Check out this counseling video:


Refocusing

Focus your mind and your thoughts on other things. Keep busy with either work, school, family, Islamic studies, going to the mosque, as well as socializing with uplifting righteous Muslim brothers. You do not want to be among those who are on the path to Hell Fire. We all make mistakes, that is why we have Allah to go to for forgiveness, alhumdulillah. That is why in His Mercy, we can repent. Once we repent for our sins that means we are never to repeat them.

You are a good brother, you love Allah, you fear continuing sins and you desire to end this behavior. Brother, I am confident that you will make the right choice, insha’Allah.

You are in our prayers.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

“Can I Have an Affair?” A Youth Asks the Prophet (PBUH)

What Is The Real Meaning of Zina (Adultery)?

A Convert: I Want to Stop Committing Zina




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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