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I Can’t Forget My Non-Muslim Boyfriend

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 23, 2019

Question

As-salamu alaikum. A year ago my boyfriend left me because he had to follow his family to marry someone else. Actually, he is a non-Muslim. My relationship with him is for more than 6 years. We lost contact after he left me. Then suddenly he contacted me back and said he still loved me. But he has to follow his family's will first.

I can say he still has a part in my heart. But I'm not sure whether I still love him or not. I want to forget him but until now I've failed. I pray every time and ask forgiveness from Allah and hope Allah can help me to forget my past and forget him if he is really not for me.

I'm really suffering because he always appears in my mind. Please guide and advise me what should I do.

Counselor

Answer


I Can’t Forget My Non-Muslim Boyfriend

In this counseling answer:

• He is not a Muslim. Therefore, he is not halal for you to marry.

• Should he accept Islam because he truly believes it is the one true religion, then he would be permissible for marriage.

• While our parents support, help and blessings are vital in the marriage process, they cannot prevent their children from marrying somebody who is permissible and who they desire to marry.

• If he does not revert to Islam after your statement to him, please cut him off totally and go on with your life.

• You may suggest that he explore Islam to find out if, indeed, his heart is drawn to the path of Islam.


As Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend left you due to having to marry someone else that his family chose for him. As you state that your relationship with him was over six years, I can imagine that must have really hurt. When one is planning on marriage and waiting for that long, the emotional pain can be devastating. It would be most hard to let go I agree.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

Allah Knows Best

Sister, I’m not sure what your relationship consisted of. However, as you know, we are not supposed to have boyfriends in Islam.

Additionally, he is not Muslim, therefore, he is not halal for you to marry. Should he accept Islam because he truly believes it is the one true religion, then he would be permissible for marriage. However, he should not revert to Islam just to marry you. It would be a false action on his part, and no doubt would have consequences spiritually.

With that said, I can only advise you to move forward and forget him. I know it’s painful, but time will heal. There is a reason for everything sister, and in Allah’s infinite mercy and love for us, He will close doors of harm. Allah knows best.

Choices and Considerations

Insha’Allah, I kindly ask you to repent and ask for forgiveness for getting into a relationship with this man who is also not a Muslim. Again, should he revert to Islam because he does believe Islam is the true path, then the situation is different. In this case, he would be permissible for you to marry.

Regarding his parents wanting him to marry someone else, in Islam we are free to marry who we want – that person is permissible to us. While our parents support, help and blessings are vital in the marriage process, they cannot prevent their children from marrying somebody who is permissible and who they desire to marry.


Check out this counseling video:


By the same token, parents cannot force their children to marry someone of their choice if their child does not want to. Your boyfriend does not have to marry the one his parents want him to marry. As an adult and a free person, he can marry who he chooses. the same goes for you.

Conclusion

I will kindly suggest that you inform him that you cannot marry him because he is not Muslim.

You may suggest that he explore Islam to find out if, indeed, his heart is drawn to the path of Islam. If so, you may also wish to inform him that he is free to marry whoever he chooses. If he does revert to Islam, I kindly suggest that the two of you marry as soon as possible.

If he does not revert to Islam after your statement to him, please cut him off totally and go on with your life. It is hard, sister, I know, but Allah knows what is best for us and our religion.

We wish you the best.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Marriage at a Young Age: Love or Impulse?

Falling in Love When Young: Allowed?

Can a Muslim Woman Marry a Non-Muslim Man?




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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