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Girlfriend Left Me for My Best Friend

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 28, 2019

Question

My ex-girlfriend and I were in a relationship for 3 years. When I first met her, she was a non-Muslim and I wasn't really a practicing Muslim. My first year in the university, I did very horribly which was because of many factors such as not having that work ethic as well as spending little time on myself. I was very depressed because I kept doing really bad in some courses and in some I failed. However, I continued to look positively and barely finished that year.

In that summer, I started being more religious and began studying more about Islam and telling my girlfriend about the things I was learning. So, I took the initiative. It started off small from just teaching her the principles of what Islam is. She really liked it as it made sense to her. While I was learning Islam, she was also getting the idea of Islam. It was so amazing that she and I can bond over such an amazing thing.

The second year has started and now we are both at the university. She finally accepted Islam. However, we kept being in the relationship which I feel guilty about.

But there is an even bigger problem. My girlfriend has a lot of family problems and had a lot of anxiety. I comforted her; cheered her up and listened when she needed. But I wanted to really help her out, so I asked my best friend at the time to talk to her because he is good in psychological help. However, as time went ahead, I started noticing he was being a bit too nice to her. He would love to talk to her and tell her things that he never told me even though I am his best friend. It was weird, but I trusted both of them, so I didn't think much of it.

My girlfriend said she had no feelings for him. However, my friend later admitted that he fell in love with her, so I cut ties with him. I was devastated. Time went by and I started noticing that my girlfriend and I spend less and less time together. I told her I felt hurt. She was volunteering where my ex-best friend was. She asked me if it was Ok. I trusted her and said yes. She always said she was busy due to “family issues.” Then one day I received a message from her that it is over. I realized that my girlfriend and my ex-friend are now together. I feel so hurt. It’s been 3 months now.

Now my best friend came to me and apologized that he was sorry for what he did and missed our friendship. He said he wanted me back as his friend but he also liked her, my ex-girlfriend. She wants nothing to do with me. I really want everyone back in my life but I am so tired of being hurt.

Counselor

Answer


Girlfriend Left Me for My Best Friend

In this counseling answer:

• Humble yourself before Allah and seek His forgiveness for having been in a haram relationship.

• Despite the struggles you have faced of late, you can draw much positive from this incident, including having gotten closer to Allah.

• You are hurt by all that has happened. But you can use this as an opportunity to draw a line and leave behind the haram and start afresh.


Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh brother, 

It sounds you have been going through a rough patch and understandably feel terrible as a result of all that has happened.

Alhamdulillah, despite not practicing much previously, Allah has guided you back on the path as you have gradually begun to practice and learn more about Islam. As a result, you did become more aware of halal and haram relations.

To begin with, you could humble yourself before Allah and seek His forgiveness for having been in a haram relationship. You can also consider things from an alternative position. Taking you and this girl apart from one another may be a blessing from Allah in that He has taken you away from the haram.

You have seen firsthand now how a relationship that is founded in the haram usually leads to one that has the weakness. The type of weaknesses that you have experienced, but Alhamdulillah, as difficult as it may be to accept, you are now free from this and can learn much good from it also.

Of course, you are hurt by all that has happened. But you can use this as an opportunity to draw a line and leave behind the haram and start afresh. Learn from your past mistakes and move forward in a manner that is more pleasing to Allah.

Steer clear of haram relations as you have seen the heartbreaking effect this can have. Instead, opt for only those that are acceptable. There is great wisdom in the way of Allah and you will only experience the beauty of this if you strove to continue in the way that He has prescribed.


Check out this counseling video:


Perhaps you can build relations again with your friend despite the trust between you having been betrayed. This is your choice.

In fact, chosen to forgive someone can help to soften the heart. After all, you hope for Allah to be Merciful towards you, so why should you not be Merciful to others. This doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to build a strong and close relationship again. But simply forgiving will make it easier for you to move in successfully and either become close to him again or alternatively build relations with others.

Ultimately, despite the struggles you have faced of late, you can draw much positive from this incident, including having gotten closer to Allah. Use this to your advantage, strive to build that relationship further and improve yourself in the sight of Allah. Learn from past mistakes to better yourself. Forgive others and move on in search of happiness in this life and the next.

May Allah bring you happiness and contentment in this life and the next and grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

How to Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

The Man I Like Is Waiting For a Non-Muslim

My Girlfriend Has Left Me: I’m Lost




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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