We Want to Get Married But He is Shia and I am Sunni

21 July, 2020
Q I am 16 years old and I met a boy my same age.

We have the same goals, interests, and we understand each other.

We have a deep connection and we feel like we have known each other for a long time, we have not met in real life. We are practicing Muslims and know it is haram to have a relationship so we are going to tell our parents.

He told his dad about me and his dad agreed to meet my family. However, the guy I like just told me that he is shia. I am a sunni.

What are your thoughts on this? I need advice😭.

It is really hard for me to like someone and I haven’t liked someone or felt so close to them and vulnerable and safe ever in my life. How do I tell my parents?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

Sister, the most important factor is that you both are striving to serve Allah, you both are following the Quran, and you both have dedicated your life to Islam.

Inform your parents and take it from there.

Any differences between you should be discussed and worked out prior to committing to a marriage.

Please do make istakharrah prayer to Allah for guidance.

Insha’Allah if you still have questions please do contact our “Ask the Scholar” section.


As salamu alaykum sister,

As I understand your situation you are 16 and you have met a boy that you like. You have the same goals and you trust and understand each other. You feel that you have a deep connection and have known each other for a long time although you have not met in real life.

Practicing Muslims

 You say that you both are practicing Muslims and you understand that it is Haram to have a relationship. In order to keep things halal, you have decided to tell your parents. He told his parents and his father agreed to meet your family.

You on the other hand have not told your parents. It appears that he has recently told you that he is Shia. This may pose a problem for you because you are Sunni. However, I may point out that you are both Muslim. 

We Want to Get Married But He is Shia and I am Sunni - About Islam

Shia vs. Sunni

Sister, as long as you both are practicing Muslims, you are striving to please Allah,  you are compatible and have respect for one another, it should not be a problem.

This is one ummah- however we are sadly divided. You may wish to write to our “Ask the Scholar” section for a more Islamic ruling as I am not an Islamic scholar. 

Discussing Differences

Any differences between you should be discussed and worked out prior to committing to a marriage. Differences may not even be an issue depending on the level of practicing things that do constitute a difference.

The main goal is to follow Islam, serve, love, and fear Allah, and base your life and possible future marriage on the Qur’an. 


Check out this counseling video:


Afraid to Tell Parents

I understand that there is great division and hot debates concerning the issue of Sunni vs Shia. As Muslims we should not be divided. I also understand that because of this you are afraid to tell your parents.

I kindly advise that you do tell your parents about him and introduce him as Muslim. Depending on your parent’s reaction upon eventually learning he is Shia, you and your fiancée may have to make a decision regarding getting married against your parents’ wishes. 

Right to Marry

As long as he is permissible to you Islamically you can marry him. While it is nice to have parents’ blessings regarding marriage, it is not required to have their permission as long as you are of age.

Just be sure to work out any differences with him due to the Sunni and Shia issue. If there are not any alhamdulillah. If there are, try to reach a compromise between the two of you. 

Conclusion

Sister, the most important factor is that you both are striving to serve Allah, you both are following the Quran, and you both have dedicated your life to Islam. Inform your parents and take it from there. May Allah bless you both for keeping this halal and seeking the righteous path of marriage.

Please do make istakharrah prayer to Allah for guidance. Insha’Allah if you still have questions please do contact our “Ask the Scholar” section. We wish you the best.

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/youth-q-a/love-marriage/want-get-married-approach-parents/

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-parenting/young-hearts-minds/parents-wont-approve-marriage/

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/youth-q-a/love-marriage/how-can-i-tell-my-parents-im-in-love/

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.