As-Salamu ‘Alaikum brother,
You seem to have good intentions in your heart and you to want to make a rational decision. We all agree that love is a powerful force and is extremely important in a relationship, but unfortunately there are other factors that should be taken into consideration when we decide to marry someone. As you know, it is part of the husband’s duties to provide for his family even though nowadays family systems have changed and some women are able to contribute as well, yet this does not seem to be the case of “Zainab”. You mentioned that she is severally ill and needs special care. I see that you want to take good care of her, and you want to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work out, but think about it:
- Where are you going to live with her since she will probably have to leave her home?
- Will you able to provide health insurance for her?
- Can you buy her medications?
- Who will watch over her 24/7 as you said, if you will be working?
If I understood correctly, you currently live with your parents; that means you would take her to live with your family considering you don’t have a job. In the end of the day, if you are a full time student, you will end up having your parents taking care of her. According to your description, if she does not receive proper care, it can be life threatening for her. All these factors must be considered. To marry this sister is a huge responsibility, and from your email I don’t think you are financially or even emotionally ready. In addition, there is the factor of Zainab’s father wanting her to marry someone else as “his last wish.” Whether this is true or not, it is still another factor that makes things less easy for you.
I believe that right now, you both should be very patient and act smart. A marriage needs more than love to succeed, and the priority now should be her well being.
“O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.” (31:17)
“Forbid what is wrong”; you said that your relationship isn’t halal, thus you should consider make it right and trust that the best for you will happen. If your feelings remain the same, I am sure that both of you can keep this halal relationship alive for two years and then take it further.
I understand your concerns about the other brother involved, but you also know that she refuses to marry him. Nobody can force “Zainab” to get married. Even though it was her father’s desire, she needs to agree with the man chosen for her:
“O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion…” (4:19)
You two must to be clear to each other about your feelings and intentions. Unfortunately for the other brother, she chose you. The right thing to do now is not to get married to take her under the influence of the other guy, but is to talk to your family and decide the best way to approach her family and discuss your intentions. Get to know each other in a halal way and trust in Allah. Whatever seems to be a hardship now, it will be made easy by Allah, and your truth will unfold if it is His desire.
“Verily, with hardship there is relief” (Qur’an 94:6)
“Perhaps Allah may bring victory or a decision according to His Will.” (Qur’an 5:52)
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