Answer
In this counseling answer:
“You need to get rid of your inner deconstructive voice of rejection. Don’t feel sad if a family refuses for marriage. Instead, thank God that He saved you from getting involved with someone inappropriate. Spend some time with yourself and do things that you love or have always wanted to do.”
Dear Sister,
The key in life is to place your complete trust in Allah (swt). Simply leave things to Him and accept His decision as the ultimate order. Remember, there is always some good hidden in things which a human eye cannot see. When things are not going as people wish, it is certain that individuals will lose hope and blame Allah (swt). When it comes to the religion, there is no rule of equating and balancing with the principle that if you have done a good deed, everything will be in your favor. No, life does not happen this way because God knows what people do not. Your good acts, however, are always benefiting you. If not today, it will aid you tomorrow, if not in the world, it is definitely in the Hereafter. Therefore, have your complete faith in Allah (swt).
I know it is difficult for girls in the Pakistani society to marry at a very late age. It is the trend of the society that cannot be abruptly changed. However, norms are changing in the society; late marriages do take place because people are now more concerned about education and a career.
I told you earlier also to cut all connections with your ex-fiancé. It is over and it cannot be reverted back. You and your family have put in all the efforts. You need to close that chapter of life and get ready for the new one. But you need to know that there is no rush in moving on. Why are you in a hurry to seek another partner? Is it because of your age, the society, or the family? If you think that being with someone else will help you forget about the past, it will not happen that easily. You will have to first go through the phase of grief, acceptance, and forgiveness. This will eventually prepare you to forget and get over on what just happened. Trust me, it will make you strong. If it is society, you need to know that your happiness and success is more important than what others perceive. If it is family, make them understand because you definitely need time.
How long has it been since you have gone out with your friends and laughed your heart out? When was the last time you shopped a dress? In the hassle of broken ties and tough situations, people forget to take some time out for their own self. Have some space and enjoy it. Spend some time with yourself. Do things that you love or have always wanted to do. Have you thought about an internship or a job to proceed with your career? I advise you to take some time off. In sha’ Allah, these few months will bring you closer to your own self and your family. This will aid your growth. You will know yourself better. You will be able to reflect on what happened and how to improve things in upcoming relationships. Then begin the look out.
You need to get rid of your inner deconstructive voice of rejection. No, it is not the reality because it is not always the boy who says no. You also have the same power. People have choices; it is certainly what one person likes, other won’t. Why are you fretting over someone else’s choice? Don’t shake your self-confidence because it is pretty apparent that you know how perfect you are. Don’t feel sad if a family refuses for marriage. Instead, thank God that He saved you from getting involved with someone inappropriate. Know that everything has its time and your time will come soon. Have faith in Allah (swt) and be strong.
Salam,
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