Parents Can’t Accept My Marriage with a Disabled Girl

03 July, 2021
Q I'm a 25 years old boy from Afghanistan. I love a girl who I really want to get married with. The problem is that one of her legs has been injured during tribal wars in Afghanistan when she was a child. She went to Europe in 2010 for treatment and did operation, but now she must live ther, because it would be very difficult for her as a disabled girl to live here in our country.

I told my parents about her, but they got angry on me. They disagree to marry her due to her disability. I know I should accept my parents' advices as their consent is important, but if I reject my love as they wish, her life will be in danger because it's very hard for a young Muslim girl to live alone in a European society. This situation is very painful for me, I can't leave her alone in a non-Islamic society, therefore, I want you to guide me what Islam says regarding my case.

Shall I accept whatever my parents say or shall I disagree with them and save a Muslim girl? Thank you and I'm looking forward to your respond.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

• You must ask yourself whether marrying this girl is a wise decision or not, especially since there are many points against this marriage working.

• You do not have to feel responsible for this girl’s religion.


Salamu ‘Alaikum Brother,

Thank you for sending us your question. I ask Allah (swt) to help you make the right decision regarding this issue and grant you and this young woman a successful and bright future.

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You have mentioned that you want to marry a girl from your country who currently lives in Europe due to her disability. You have mentioned that she decided to leave Afghanistan and move to Europe four years ago because there are more services there for people who are disabled. She has made this decision for herself and, inshAllah, Allah (swt) will protect her and preserve her faith. We also ask Allah (swt) to help her to reach her personal goals, whether they are related to her health, education, work, or else.

Contrary to what you may believe, in many places in Europe, there are many strong Muslim communities that have been doing well for themselves in the last century or so. Islam has become a global religion, and alhamdulillah there are many mosques and Muslim organizations in almost every part of this world. I do not know where she lives in Europe, but we hope that she resides in a city where there is a masjid or active Muslim organizations that will provide her with spiritual and emotional support.

After all, it was her (and I assume her parents’) decision to move to Europe in the first place. This was a personal decision, and as a fellow Muslim brother who cares about her wellbeing, you (and all of us) must respect her and her parents’ decision. Marrying her in order to bring her back to Afghanistan may not be her or her parents’ desire to begin with since she has been living there for almost four years now.

A marriage requires consent from the groom and the bride as well (as their families). We know that you want to marry this girl, but does this girl want to marry you as well?

You have also mentioned that your parents are not in agreement to this marriage; how about her parents? Having all sides agree to a marriage is vital for a marriage to start out smoothly and successfully.

I believe you must ask yourself whether marrying this girl is a wise decision or not, especially since there are many points against this marriage working such as your parents’ refusal, the young woman living in another country, etc.

But one thing that is worthy of mention is that you do not have to feel responsible for this girl’s religion. It was her decision to live in Europe in the first place, and every Muslim answer for him/herself on the Day of Judgment. Do not let this feeling of responsibility make you feel guilty if things don’t work out between her. Allah (swt) will take care of her, in sha’ Allah.

May Allah (swt) choose the best for both of you.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/want-to-get-married/disabled-want-marry-lady/

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/want-to-get-married/i-want-to-marry-a-disabled-man/

Does Disability Prevent Marriage?

About Aliah F. Azmeh
Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.