I’m Single and Feeling Lonely

30 July, 2020
Q As-Salamu Alaikum dear scholars.

I am facing the same problem faced by many Muslim women that are still being single after the age of 30. I understand that everything has been decreed by Allah and we need to keep being patient.

But the problem is that my faith and patience level is not stable when thinking about my problem. I feel so much burden and keep trying to remember Allah as much as I can.

It is also very hurting when people around keep asking about marriage and look down at us who are still not married.

Sometimes I just feel that I shouldn't hope for something which is not sure at all and make a decision that I won’t get married at all.

I seek your kind advice to make me keep going on the road that leads to Allah. Thank You.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

Not finding a spouse can be a very distressing situation for people to face, especially for women due to our biological clocks.

Remember, the most important and most desirable traits in a spouse are strong faith and good character.

If you continue to pray and stay firm in faith, Allah (swt) will find a way. Never give up hope on Allah (swt).

Let friends and family know you are searching and they can put the word out.

Continue to be persistent asking Allah (swt) to guide you towards marriage.

Constantly thinking about this issue and stressing about it will only make things more difficult for you. keep busy in other meaningful and productive things.


Wa ’Alaikum Salaam,

Not finding a spouse can be a very distressing situation for people to face, especially for women due to our biological clocks. But, like you say, you are not alone; there are many women also in the same situation.

There are a few things that you can consider in your situation that may give you an alternative perspective and encourage you to think about things that you have perhaps overlooked due to your heavy focus on the matter.

I'm Single and Feeling Lonely - About Islam

Are you being fussy

Ask yourself if you are being too fussy. Have you received offers but are turning them down? If so, remember, the most important and most desirable traits in a spouse are strong faith and good character. Most of the other stuff you will come to love after time together anyway.

At least, if he is a pious man, you can be confident that you will be treated in the respectful way you probably desire. That’s not to say that you should just marry anyone without consideration, but broaden your horizons and be more open to different kinds of people.

Actively searching

Are you actively searching? You can’t always just rely on someone coming to you with a proposal. Instead, let friends and family know you are searching and they can put the word out. You could even get the message to your local imam who will know of any single brothers seeking marriage also.

Make du’aa’. Allah (swt) loves to answer people’s prayers. If you are not asking then He (swt) might not give you, so continue to be persistent asking Allah (swt) to guide you towards marriage.


Check out this counseling video:


Patience

Be patient. This is easy to say, but difficult to do when you feel like you have been waiting forever. Be confident that Allah (swt) will answer you when the time is right, and He (swt) is the best of planners.

Never give up hope. If you continue to pray and stay firm in faith, Allah (swt) will find a way. Never give up hope on Allah (swt).

Conclusion

Constantly thinking about this issue and stressing about it will only make things more difficult for you. Making it into a burden and constantly on your mind is not healthy. Therefore, keep busy in other meaningful and productive things, so this does not become your constant focus.

You have clearly said that you constantly focus on it which effects your faith. Therefore, this is something particularly important for you to consider.

May Allah (swt) give you the strength and patience to endure your difficulties. May He soon grant you a spouse that will be the coolness of your eyes.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)