I have been wearing the hijab since I was 9 years old. I thought my dad would be proud of me. I had no idea about its responsibility it came with putting it on. However, after I have put on the hijab, I was not allowed to take it off as I was told it was haram. I was young, and I wasn't allowed to take it off.
I am now almost 18 years old, but I have not been acting like a proper Muslimah. As bad and ashamed as I feel, I have not prayed in months now, and I am not religious at all. I respect the religion a lot, but my actions are not fit of those actions of a Muslim sister. I want to take it off not because I'm ashamed of being Muslim, or I want to feel pretty, but to find the purpose of wearing the hijab myself.
I love my religion, and I’m trying very hard to fall back into the right path. However, I feel like I’m being forced into it to the extent that I don’t feel like doing it.
I already feel beautiful in the hijab, but I feel guilty to have it on when I take in actions that are haram. Please help me as I do not know what to do.
In this counseling answer:
• It is possible that you feel such need to remove hijab because you were never really taught by your parents the deep meaning behind the practice of hijab. Learn more about it and purify your intention.
• Please re-evaluate your actions and your reasons behind following the teaching of Islam you do follow.
• I want you to think and write down what are some of the things that you do on a regular basis despite knowing it is not allowed, and write down if you feel at peace doing them or not.
• I want you to personally reach out to active women members in your community and ask them why they choose to wear hijab. What was it about the hijab that made them give up a lifestyle without the hijab?
Assalamu Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for placing your trust in our ability to propose a solution to your current situation.
Intention vs. Action
Dear sister, in Islam, the intention is more important than action.
“The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.” (Bukhari)
If you worship without an intention, then there is no meaning to the worship. It doesn’t come from your heart.
In addition, doing anything for the sake of people is worse than not doing it at all. Remember, it is not the people who you should fear or try to please; it is Allah SWT.
Imam as-Sadiq said,
“Anyone who performs a small act for the sake of God, God will make it bigger than he wishes in the sight of others. And anyone who performs a great act for the sake of people, God will make it trivial in the sight of others.” (Rawdhah al-Muttaqin, vol. 12, p. 142.) (Al-islam.org)
Therefore, dear sister, it is possible that you feel such need to remove the hijab because you were never really taught by your parents the deep meaning behind the practice of hijab.
The intention of bad actions
Dear sister, in your question, you mentioned that you do activities, which are clearly prohibited in Islam. When you can judge this, it means that what you are doing is not from the heart. It is simply due to you trying to fit in.
Dear sister, before you read about the Hijab below, I want you to think and write down what are some of the things that you do on a regular basis despite knowing it is not allowed, and write down if you feel at peace doing them or not.
And, do you feel peace when you wear the hijab?
If you were told that the hijab is a symbol of modesty, then you can argue back saying that loose clothing is equivalent.
If you are told that hijab is a symbol of obedience for Allah, then you can argue back saying that obedience can be shown in different ways.
However, hijab, alongside being a symbol of modesty and obedience for Allah, is a sign of your love to Allah. By wearing a hijab, you are making a statement that you are obeying Allah.
We tend to only obey those whom we love, those whom we know to be speaking in our favor, and those who tend to guide us and help us and are on the lookout for us. We do not simply obey anyone. We only obey those we love – and those who love us back.
Check out this counseling video:
This is the special relationship that Allah has with all His creation. Even more so with His slaves, us. It is what we are doing to please Allah.
Please re-evaluate your actions and your reasons behind following the teaching of Islam you do follow.
Hijab in the Quran
Wearing a hijab and taking it off is a big step. Hijab is a command by Allah for women. It is a step towards developing a love for Allah and prioritizing what’s important in this life and the afterlife. It’s letting yourself and others know that you value what is more important to Allah than valuing what is more important to the world around you. Hijab is a symbol of your love for Allah and devotion to what He has told.
By no means am I implying that it is the ONLY way. However, it is a way that has been pointed in the Quran.
Allah tells us in the Quran,
“O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” (Quran 33:59)
” And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and their ornaments except what appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty…” [Qur’an 24:31].
In essence, believing women are asked to cover themselves up as it is better for them.
Hidden Benefits of Obedience to Allah
Although we are obeying the commands of Allah as an act of obedience towards Him so that we can please Him, there are in fact hidden benefits for us.
In the society in which we live today, women are seen more as objects rather than individuals.
A woman is usually praised and complimented based on her beauty. I am sure you have heard this before, but there are many feminists who are promoting the fact that women should not simply be praised on their beauty, but also on their intelligence, wit, strength, etc.
Therefore, when a Muslim woman wears a hijab, she is stating that her recognition is not beauty, but rather her brain, her strength, her careers, etc. Hijab makes a statement that we are to be judged for our worth, not our appearance.
Make hijab your identity, not simply an action is done without any consideration. When this is the reason behind your hijab, you will realize that your other actions will eventually disappear.
If you take your time to understand the hijab by asking someone of knowledge about its benefits, you will soon realize that it is not easy to take off a simple piece of clothing.
Try This Social Activity
There are many women who choose to wear the hijab. There are women doctors, women athletes, women politicians, women engineers, women teachers, and scholars, etc. – all with hijab.
I want you to personally reach out to active women members in your community and ask them why they choose to wear the hijab. What was it about the hijab that made them give up a lifestyle without the hijab?
After you have enlisted their thoughts, I suggest to review which of them you agree and disagree with.
I hope this helped you. Please don’t give up praying to Allah that He makes it easy for you,
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.