I appreciate the good work you are doing on this website and thus I am sending you this question. I am a 19 year old college girl and I have a problem. The thing is that I have many things that others do not. I have two good parents, a home, money and of course the best religion. But the thing is that when anything good happens to somebody I feel jealous for no reason. I feel it should have happened to me and not to them, be it good grades in exams, somebody getting a new car, joining some better course etc.
The thing is I am quite lazy and either don’t do anything, or do things in a half baked manner. I guess that is why I am an easily jealous and envious girl, as others have some determination and purpose in life and I do not. I know Allah hates this and wants us to be happy with things we already have but believe me, I do not know how to get rid of this problem.
Also, I do not feel motivated to pray. Is this why I am going astray? I spend lots of time on the internet doing useless things and waste precious hours. I really have no aim in life. I was a science student but now I am doing a Bachelor of Commerce degree because people said it was easier. I thought if I finish 3 years I may have some idea as to what to do later in life but still do not. I prefer staying at home because I do not like the work environment in an office, but I would like to earn money from home, is this possible? Or am I just having exaggerated ideas? Please help.
In this counseling answer:
• Realize that whatever blessings we receive from Allah (swt) are a test upon us.
• Take some time to really focus on what you know about Allah (swt) and His Messenger (saw). Learn more so that as you learn, your heart will open and, in sha’ Allah, you will develop a love for Allah (swt) and His Prophet (saw).
• When it is time for you to negotiate a job offer, you should set clear expectations from the start so that there are no misunderstandings between you and your future employer. Make a strong case for why you should be allowed to work from home and in sha’ Allah you will be granted your request.
Thank you for writing to us. Make du`aa’ to Allah Most High expressing gratitude for all of the blessings in your life. Most of all, do not take those blessings for granted because Allah (swt) could test you by taking them away, just as Allah (swt) can test us by granting us certain blessings. The three main issues appear to be:
– your outlook towards others who appear to do better than yourself,
– your relationship with Allah (swt),
– and your future career.
First. We want to be frank with you and tell you that you should be constantly grateful for what Allah (swt) has already blessed you with. Realize that whatever blessings we receive from Allah (swt) are a test upon us. The real question becomes: what are we doing with those blessings? How are we utilizing those blessings? Are we taking those blessings for granted? If you are grateful to Allah (swt) daily, you will not be tempted as often by Satan to be jealous about what others have.
The next time Satan does tempt you to be jealous, seek refuge in Allah (swt) and remind yourself of the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (saw). Abu Hurayrah reported Allah’s Messenger (saw) as saying,
“Don’t bear aversion against one another and don’t be jealous of one another and be servants of Allah.”(Muslim)
Abu Hurayrah also reported that Allah’s Messenger (saw) said:
“When one of you looks at one who stands at a higher level than you in regard to wealth and physical structure he should also see one who stands at a lower level than you in regard to these things (in which he stands) at a higher level (as compared to him).” (Muslim)
Furthermore, Ibn Mas`ud narrated,
“I heard the Prophet saying, ‘There is no envy except in two: a person whom Allah has given wealth and he spends it in the right way, and a person whom Allah has given wisdom (i.e. religious knowledge) and he gives his decisions accordingly and teaches it to the others.'” (Al-Bukhari)
We urge you to really do your best to rid yourselves of any feelings of jealousy as such feelings are not becoming of a Muslim. Make du`aa’ to Allah (swt) to strip your heart of envy and jealousy.
Second. Your relationship with Allah (swt) can only be as strong as the effort you put into it. You should try to strengthen it through regular prayers, voluntary fasts, giving in charity and righteous conduct. Having been blessed with so much, you should be grateful, as we mentioned above. Even more so, you cannot afford to lapse in your worship of Allah (swt) because it is possible that He (swt) might test you further by taking away the blessings He (swt) has granted you.
Take some time to really focus on what you know about Allah (swt) and His Messenger (saw). Learn more so that as you learn, your heart will open and, in sha’ Allah, you will develop a love for Allah (swt) and His Prophet (saw). Do not delay in this matter and work on your relationship with Allah (swt) while you are still young.
Check out this counseling video:
Finally. The modern work environment does pose challenges and increasingly people are working from their homes. Technology allows people to remain at home and be quite productive in their respective careers. You will have to interact with people at one point or another so by no means should working at home be used as a means of avoiding those interactions. When it is time for you to negotiate a job offer, you should set clear expectations from the start so that there are no misunderstandings between you and your future employer. Make a strong case for why you should be allowed to work from home and in sha’ Allah you will be granted your request.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.