Why Can’t I Be Just Friends with Opposite Gender?

03 January, 2021
Q As far as I know, Islam allows the mixing of men and women only for professional reasons. Well, I study at a university, and nearly everyone hangs out in a mixed group of guys and girls.

I find it difficult to maintain a ‘guys only’ group as other guys also mix with girls. It seems really awkward if I only talk to girls when I need help with assignments, projects etc.

I usually don’t get help – haha! What is the harm if I have female friends and I hang out with them e,g. do activities together such as bowling, eating together?

Another thing is lots of social clubs organize events which have lots of music, dancing, which involves mixing of girls and boys. I see people enjoying the crowd and having a good time. It feels as if I am against the whole university, and I can't enjoy university life.

Please explain what is the harm in hanging around in a mixed group of guys and girls? I believe that it all depends on my mind, and if I can control it then I’m fine. HELP!!

Answer


In this counseling answer:

• This freedom of allowing boys and girls to mix freely without limitations leads to so much social chaos.

•  When they experience sexual contact, it feels good. That is natural. But then the girl might get pregnant. What happens then? The boy backs off from the responsibility.

•  Do not look at it in the way that Islam is against natural feelings and desires. Islam recognizes all of that, but it has set down the proper way to enjoy it – through marriage.

•  Food for thought: How can sex be special and wonderful if it becomes so common?

• I would urge you to get involved in your university’s MSA and in groups of Muslim students.

• Trust Allah and ask Him to make your situation easier.


As-Salamu ’Alaikum Brother,

Many of our young people ask why they can not just be friends with the opposite gender. They say it is just friendship and there should not be restrictions prohibiting them from hanging out or just being friends with the opposite gender.

When working with each other in school, at work, or in the community, there is no problem for young men and women to talk or meet each other as long as they behave with each other properly and wear the proper Muslim attire.

Careful boundaries

However, one also must be careful because if we see what is happening in the society in the United States, you will understand why most of the problems that exist socially do so because of this one issue of men and women having the freedom to mix with one another without any limitations.

You see, the young boys and girls meet freely, in their tender teenage years, when natural changes occur. They start developing an interest in each other. Being freely around each other leads to exploration.

Obviously, this is natural for they are humans, so there is a tendency to experiment because emotions get involved. When they experience sexual contact, it feels good. That is natural. But then the girl might get pregnant. What happens then? The boy backs off from the responsibility.

Why Can't I Be Just Friends with Opposite Gender? - About Islam

Negative outcomes

Boys and their families all of a sudden remember that the boy is young and his future will be ruined. The girl’s family can not support another life. If they can, they do, but most of the time in disapproval. If they can’t, then the girl is left on her own.

Then the girl goes on welfare and lives on welfare most of their life. Then their children go through the same cycle. But this does not end there. There are laws that the father of the baby has to be economically responsible and pay, but he will try his whole life to get away from paying.

Then these young, single mothers do not have health insurance, childcare, or money for even food. There are programs created to deal with these issues, but they take away so much money that could have been spent on education, security, caring for the elderly, the disabled, and all the other positive enrichments of the country.

Harm the society

In addition, these women and their children do not get educated properly and that also takes away from society by losing people to the failures of the value system.

Then you have the diseases which result from these relationships. Huge money is being spent on cures for these diseases. And then you have the abortion debate.

You see, they let boys and girls meet freely, but when pregnancy occurs out of wedlock, it is very much frowned upon. But what did they expect? Anyhow, this freedom of allowing boys and girls to mix freely without limitations leads to so much social chaos.

Do not look at it in the way that Islam is against natural feelings and desires. Islam recognizes all of that, but it has set down the proper way to enjoy it – through marriage. Think about it: when you get married, are you just signing a paper? No, in this way sex is respected and honored.

Let me tell you: on college campuses, sex has become a sport. It has lost its value and honor. How can sex be special and wonderful if it becomes so common? They say it is part of their freedom, but logically it is just like the freedom of animals.

Fun

I know you feel that you can control the situation; however, in the settings you are describing where people are enjoying activities or where there are music and dancing involved, it is natural to engage in the activities because it seems fun.

But it is in these exact situations one loses perspective of right and wrong and is more inclined to head towards something that will lead to sin.


Check out this counseling video:


MSA

Isn’t there an MSA (Muslim Student’s Association) in your university? Most universities have one and many are very active. Why do not you get involved? Even though the brothers and sisters are working together, they are known to do much pro-active community work as well as having Islamic fun. 

From the many students I know who are involved with MSA’s, they are very active and happy students and they enjoy life. I would urge you to get involved in your university’s MSA and in groups of Muslim students.

Always put your trust in Allah (swt) and only in Allah (swt). Pray to Him, and ask for help, guidance, and protection from Him. Surely, He (swt) will help you.

„And He answers (the invocation of) those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and gives them increase of His Bounty. And as for the disbelievers, theirs will be a severe torment.” (42:26)

Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).” (3:159)

I pray that Allah (swt) will give you strength, happiness, and success in the future, in this world as well as in the Hereafter.

Amen,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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