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Will Covid-19 Be the Last Straw to My Marriage?

16 April, 2020
Q MY husband and I work from home. 24/7 at home drives our nerves, and we fight a lot.

I fear by the end of this virus issue, we will end up divorcing each other.

We are tensed with work. We don't have children yet.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

Structure work space away from each other in the home.

Try and maintain social distance from each other to avoid getting on each others nerves.

Jot down negative feelings on a piece of paper.


As salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to our live session. Sister it seems that a lot of people who are working from home with their spouses are experiencing irritation and friction.

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Not only are you confined 24/7 in the home but there is the underlying fear about the covid19 and what is going to happen.

Structured Schedules and Work Spaces

I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you and your husband structure your work spaces so that they are as far apart as possible.

Try to treat your work day as a regular day at the office.

Will Covid-19 Be the Last Straw to My Marriage? - About Islam

That will take some discipline on both of your parts to remain in your own areas of the home tasks because you are already home.

However if you are able to do this it will lessen your interaction as well as help you to focus better on your work.

Create a poster board of your schedules for the day. Each one would have a separate schedule that is posted above your work space.

Agreements

You may wish to make an agreement not to talk to each other until lunch time (and possibly prayer times together), when you may wish to have lunch together.

By implementing separation and social distance in the home (even in the strict measures of social distance outside of the home), you may be able to avoid the irritation.

You will also bypass the fighting that is occurring now, due to the stressors’ of this whole pandemic.

Make an agreement to not say mean things to one another until after the pandemic has passed.

If one of you feels like saying something that is not nice-write it down, and save it for after this is over. 

Check out this counseling video:



Current Feelings and Behaviors

In reality, if the current stressors’ did not exist, you and your husband probably would not fight and get on each others nerves.

However given the situation, everybody is more or less tense, fearful, and uncertain of what is going to happen.

This in itself can cause irritation, short tempers, in other words irrational behaviors.

Conclusion

Insha’Allah, each of you can devise schedules for the day and post it above your workspace, and adhere to it.

Maintain separate work spaces which are far away from each other as possible.

Agree to adhere to your schedules and agreements and meet for lunch in a neutral place in the house.

Agree that you will not speak to each during your work schedules just as  you would at your jobs in the physical, until lunch.

Insha’Allah this will help! We wish you the best.

salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read More:

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/marital-obstacles/what-to-do-to-save-my-distressed-marriage/

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/marital-obstacles/deal-constantly-criticizing-husband/

https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/living-islam/2-things-will-save-your-marriage/

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.