It Seems He Just Married Me for Visa

29 June, 2020
Q I want to divorce my husband. At the moment, he is not helping me financially and today he told me that he doesn't love me.

He even said that when we got married he wasn't in love with me.

I live in Australia and he lives still overseas. He even told me to pay for his family’s sponsorship while he knows I don’t have money.

I just finished my university and am looking for a job. He promised me that he would help me, but after we got married, things have changed.

So I told him to divorce me. But he says no.

What should I do to get out from this hardship?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

I would normally advise you to try to work out your marriage, sister, but given the facts you stated, I can not. This is not a marriage but seems more like a visa ticket.

I would advise you speak with an imam and a lawyer. You do have the right to divorce him regardless of what he says.


As-Salaam Alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us with your most important question and concerns. 

As I understand your situation, you married a man who lives overseas in another country. At first, he promised he would help you financially once you were married, but after you got married everything has changed. According to you, he now wants you to pay sponsorship for his family to come to Australia (I imagine his too?) and he states he does not love you.

Sister, may Allah forgive me if I am wrong, but it seems he married you for citizenship. What I am wondering, however, is why did you go through with the marriage when you saw the red flags (his saying before marriage he didn’t love you)? 

While love does not always come before marriage as Allah does put love between two people’s hearts, usually one does not say “I don’t love you” before marriage either.

It Seems He Just Married Me for Visa - About Islam

I would normally advise you to try to work out your marriage, sister, but given the facts you stated, I am not.  

He does not support you nor contribute to the household. He still states he does not love you. He is pressuring you to sponsor his parents. This is not a marriage but seems more like a visa ticket. It appears to have nothing to do with making a life together nor building an Islamic home.  It is devoid of mercy, kindness, and yes-love.

I would advise you speak with an imam and a lawyer. You do have the right to divorce him regardless of what he says. I advise you to start the process as soon as possible as his sponsorship is probably underway in the legal system. Please, do consult with an attorney as soon as you can.


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Sister, I am so sorry you have to go through this, I imagine it hurts very much. You deserve someone who will treat you with love and kindness, one who desires an Islamic marriage and home. One who is willing to support you in all ways. Insha’Allah, if you do choose divorce, it will be fast and you can heal and move on with your life.

Stay close to Allah as He is our comforter.

We wish you the best,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.