I am not indigent alhumdullillah, but since converting to Islam in 2019, I’ve never actually reached the nisab threshold.
I try to learn more about Islam as much as I can, I do my salah on time, I go to jummah, I try to give in charity when I can, and I volunteer around the mosque.
I just moved to a city that has a decent amount of Muslims living here. I came from a relatively small city where there were only around 100 Muslims in total.
No one there was able to help me locate someone for marriage.
I honestly don’t know what to do, I have a hard time imagining someone saying “look at that guy with almost no money, no college degree, who doesn’t have his own place, he looks like marriage material.”
To be frank I try to look away when I see couples who look happy, because it makes me sad. At this point I just kind of assume I’ll be alone forever. I just turned 27 last month, and I was finally able to get out of my parents house as well.
Neither my mother or step father were particularly happy with me converting to Islam.
Answer
As Salamu Alaykum,
Shokran for writing to us brother.
If I understand your situation correctly you would like to get married but you feel you are too poor to get married.
I can imagine you feel very frustrated by this but there are ways to improve your situation insha’Allah as well as learning about others who have married when the husband was not financially successful at the time.
Reverted to Islam & Striving to Learn
You reverted to Islam in 2019, alhumdulilah (may Allah bless you and make your path easy) and you are trying to learn more about Islam as you can.
You do your Salat on time, you go to jummah, and you try to give in charity, as well as volunteer around the Masjid. These are all telling acts of worship which indicates genuine love of Allah and Islam.
Seeking a Spouse
At this point in your life, you wish to be married. Previously you lived in a small city where there were only about 100 Muslims and your prospects for marriage were very slim.
At this point you do live in a much larger city and insha’Allah there will be more opportunity for you to find a spouse.
Marriage is an Important Step
Getting married is a very important step in Islam and it is said that is half our Deen.
Marriage is a contract and relationship between a husband and a wife. It is a relationship of kindness, mercy, trust and companionship.
In Islam, marriages have foundations built upon Islamic foundations and principles. As marriage partners, husbands and wives are to be a comfort to one another and a covering of protection.
Finding a Wife
In sha Allah brother I encourage you to reach out to the brothers at the Masjid you now attend. Inform them of your intentions for marriage as well as the imam at the Masjid.
The more people who know and are aware that you are seeking a wife the better chances you will have of finding one. Also, attend Islamic events and social gatherings, lectures, etc. to increase your chances.
Concerns about Finances
I understand your concern about not making a lot of money however there are married couples who have married in college while both are studying. It may be that both work part-time and attend school or maybe only one works.
It is the agreement that they have made in order to make their marriage work.
Yes of course in Islam as the husband it is your obligation and duty to support your wife and whatever children you have in the future.
That is one of your responsibilities, however in this day and age some couples are opting to marry before the husband is fully financially able to support a family due to wanting to be together, not wanting to commit zina, wanting to fulfill their deen in terms of marriage, as well as other reasons.
The ultimate goal however is that within a few years the husband will be able to be financially responsible.
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Dual Incomes
In this day and age because of inflation and economic expenses which are exorbitant, a lot of times the wife will have to work.
This is not ideal in Islam obviously, however whatever the wife contributes to the finances is a blessing because she does not have to. Whatever a wife earns is hers to keep so if she does contribute to the household expenses for the purposes of being married it is a blessing. Additionally, a lot of women do want to work and have careers they love.
However, the same Islamic laws and principles apply in this situation as well. The husband is to be the financial supporter.
Some women however do agree to marry under financial complications because they see the man is a good Muslim, loves Allah, tries his best to please Allah, and actively seeks to improve his financial lot in life. Insha’Allah, seek women who put Allah first in their quest for marriage.
Be Happy for Others
When you see couples who are married and happy, you stated that it makes you sad. Brother please be happy for these couples because as Muslims we are supposed to want for others what we want for ourselves, yes?
When you get married I am sure there will be others who are single and see you. You would want them to be happy for you. When we are happy for others we are blessed in return.
Self-esteem & Self-confidence
Brother, when seeking a wife please try to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. You may want to read some books or take some classes on self confidence.
If a woman meets you and is initially interested, if you have feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and low self-confidence because of your financial situation, that woman may be able to feel that vibe from you and that may be discouraging.
He may be discouraged, not because you are not rich, but because you have low self-esteem and low self confidence.
Overcoming Obstacles
In sha Allah make a list of all the blessings and good things that Allah has provided for you.
Make a list of the ways you can increase your job skills, career aspirations, as well as income.
Get creative in your ideas.
There is no reason why you cannot climb the ladder of success either in your current job or by looking for another job. This may entail upgrading your skills.
However there should be community centers and employment offices that can help you do this as well as possibly give you grants to take classes.
This will insha’Allah help you increase your pay scale, self esteem & confidence!
Trust in Allah
Brother, make dua to Allah to help you improve your financial situation as well as to help you find a wife.
There are many that marry and do not have abundant income, however what they do have is an abundance of love and dedication to Allah and Islam which is priceless.
In fact most women seek a husband who loves Allah, Islam, and one who strives to a good Muslim, rather than one who is rich and is not following Islam.
Please keep in mind your true value in the sight of Allah because that is what really matters. Inshallah you will find a wife soon!
We wish you the best.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general. They are purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.