The fact is that the girl I fornicated with keeps coming to my mind, and then I keep sitting for hours thinking: did I ever like her? What would happen if we were still together? The more I think about it, the more I think I like her. I keep thinking about where we went, what we did, our memories and whether I enjoyed it, if I like her, etc. The more I think, the more troubled I become. Is Satan putting these thoughts in my head?
I am even going so far as to compare her with my wife. I know my wife is much better, but the thing is that I am trying to love my wife but I do not think I love her. I know she loves me deeply and I wish I could feel the about her. Please, could you give me some part of the Qur’an to read which will make Allah Almighty place to love and mercy into my heart?
Could you also give me an explanation as to why I am having these thoughts? The truth is that because it was such a long time ago, I do not think I ever liked that girl whom I fornicated with. However, I keep trying to remember what I did with her, the memories we had, and I did like her company. I am really troubled by this and I really do not know the answer myself. Please, could you explain? I really do not want the answer to be that I like her. I am really dreading that answer. Please, could you reply soon?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
So, what if you liked the other woman? Do you realize that you were committing a major sin by fornicating? If you realize that and have repented, then do not turn your back on Allah’s (swt) guidance and languish in thoughts about the other woman.
As-Salamu `Alaykum,
We thank you for writing to us. We also want to remind you to be grateful to Allah (swt) that you have a wife who loves you dearly.
We venture to guess that most likely your wife has never dated or been involved in a pre-marital relationship. This is precisely the difference between why she can love you so dearly and why you feel as if you do not love her. It might be likely that she has not loved anyone else before you and, therefore, she can give all of herself to you.
On the other hand, Satan is hard at work, tempting you into longing for your past sinful life. Your challenge is to get a grip on your life and stop living in the past. No one can help you fight Satan except yourself. You are your best ally and you have to be firm in your resolve not to let Satan play games with your mind. Sit down and remind yourself that Allah (swt) Most High rescued you from a life of sin and granted you a pious, loving wife.
Check out this counseling video:
So, what if you liked the other woman? Do you realize that you were committing a major sin by fornicating? If you realize that and have repented, then do not turn your back on Allah’s (swt) guidance and languish in thoughts about the other woman. Imagine how hurt your wife would be if she knew that you were thinking of another woman! Would you want your wife to think about another man? Of course, not!
Make sincere du`aa’ to Allah (swt) Most High to protect you and to guide you. Repent to Allah (swt) for your past sinful life. Most of all, make constant du`aa’ to Allah (swt) to put love and mercy in your heart towards your wife. We are reminded in Surat Ar-Rum (30), verse 21:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
Reflect upon what Allah (swt) has already blessed you with and promise yourself not to think about your past anymore.
Salam,
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