I’ve Committed Zina and Will Have a Child

06 September, 2020
Q I'm in desperate need for advice, I have committed a sin. I used to be a good person, pray, read qur'an and be fully covered but I felt I was trying so much to be someone am not, just wanted to make my parents proud.

Then a lot of bad things happened to me and was too much to handle with no support from my family.

Now I'm pregnant without marriage.

My family is aware of the fact that abortion is not allowed unless the mother's health is in danger but my situation is really hard.

The father of my baby will not be there for me. His family does not want to do anything with this baby. And my parents are struggling financially so keeping this baby will be a struggle for them.

I can see how much this is tearing my parents apart inside. They spoke to a local imam and he told them the ruling on abortion.

But I want to keep the child, only hoping that my baby's father will return to me. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of leaving my parents only to have this baby.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Please do sincerely seek Allah’s forgiveness and try to soften your heart to get close to Allah (swt).

•I would kindly suggest that you make a list of why you want to keep the child.

•Second, make a list of how you plan to support the baby once it is born.

•Talk with your parents about your choice and how you plan to care for your child.


As salamu  alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. May Allah bless you for trying to please your parents by covering, praying and reading Qur’an sister. However, as you can see our acts of love, worship and devotion for Allah must truly come from our hearts and not just to please someone else.

In most cases when we seek to please Allah by acts of worship, our hearts are soften and we do indeed become close to Allah through these acts and we seek to please our creator as well as fear His wrath for our blatant sins.

As you were reading Qur’an and praying, I am not sure why your heart was not inclined to stay on the straight path and follow Islamic foundations and principles.

This is something dear sister I encourage you to seek within yourself, as well as seek forgiveness from Allah (swt) for committing Zina. Perhaps as painful as this situation is, it may be a thing that will be good for you if it brings you close to Allah.

Insha’Allah sister, you can now see the wisdom in following Islamic principles. Allah wants good for us in our lives and thus has sent instructions for living our lives to produce good results.

As far as the baby is concerned as I do not know how old you are if you are in school or working,  it is clear that you want to keep the baby despite the financial hardships.

As Muslims, we know that even despite financial hardships, Allah will make a way.  However, you must truly seek Allah’s forgiveness as well as draw close to Him in a sincere way.

You stated you wanted to keep the baby with hopes that the baby’s father will come back. Sister, that is faulty thinking and not one that will likely produce good results.

I've Committed Zina and Will Have a Child - About Islam

First of all, he left you and the unborn child.  It is highly unlikely that he will come back and he probably will not help you at all.  

Sister, you will not “win” this boy’s love or attention by keeping the baby. I would kindly suggest dear sister that Insha’Allah you forget about this boy for now and focus on your and your unborn child’s needs.  You need to make a decision.

I would kindly suggest that you make a list of why you want to keep the baby.  Again, hoping the father will come back is not a reason.

Second, make a list of how you plan to support the baby once it is born. Do you have a job? Would your parents help watch the child while you worked?  What about school? Have you finished school?

Please do Insha’Allah consider each point carefully. Having a child is a big responsibility and it is a blessing.  However, you need to know what it entails in reality. Again, I do not know how old you are sister so that may play a part in your parents’ desire for an abortion and seek counsel from the imam.

While at this point only you can make the final decision I would encourage you to speak with your parents about your wishes and present to them a plan of action of how you will take care of this baby.

The boy and his parents state they want nothing to do with you or the unborn child however this can be dealt with through the courts depending on where you live and he would be court ordered to pay child support.  However, sister, remember this will in no way make him want you or come back to you.

In fact, he and his family will probably become even more angry and distant if the court ordered to pay child support but it is his obligation, you did not make this baby by yourself.


Check out this counseling answer:


I understand dear sister the pain and hurt you must be going through. Please do sincerely seek Allah’s forgiveness, try to soften your heart to get close to Allah (swt) as His guidance is critical for our lives.  Make duaa and istakharra  prayer regarding the decision to go forward with the pregnancy or to keep the baby.  Allah knows best.

Please do make your lists of why you would want to keep the baby as well as a plan of how you will support the baby and what resources are in your area.

Talk with your parents about your choice and how you plan to care for your child. Whatever the outcome of this situation dear sister, please Insha’Allah, look at it as a wake up call from Allah swt.

We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers.

***

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.