As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for writing. I am truly saddened to hear of all the abuse you went through as a child. I am so sorry. May Allah (swt) heal you, dear sister. Tragically, this is a common problem. In cases where the child (now a woman) doesn’t get help (therapy) to deal with the devastation, which occurs due to being sexually abused, all sorts of problems occur such as depression, inability to trust, nightmares, anxiety, PTSD, and the list goes on.
Dear sister, I advise you to seek out counseling from a professional in your area who can see you on a regular basis. The issues are not going to go away by themselves, and it will take effort on your part as well as the support of your family for you to heal from the abuses you have been through. You are an intelligent, beautiful young woman; however, I am sure when you enter a marriage, you would want to do so healed from all your past trauma, right? Therefore, my advice is to get counseling first before you consider marriage. In sha’ Allah, Allah (swt) in His infinite mercy may send a brother who is understanding of these issues; however, it is an encumbrance upon us as well to seek out the help we need so we can fully live, love, and trust again.
You are meant to be married in sha’ Allah! Marriage is half our deen and we are made to marry. But you need to heal from your past first in order to be truly happy in a marriage. In sha’ Allah, Allah (swt) will give you a wonderful Muslim husband sister, just take the steps you need to take and trust in Allah (swt).
Going to non-Muslim men is forbidden as you know, and it is possibly feeding into a subconscious thought that maybe only a non-Muslim man would accept you. Allah (swt) has your husband for you dear sister. Perhaps all it will take to trigger your meeting is for you to do your part and begin your healing journey.
I would also suggest that you join a support group for Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse. You can find groups in your local phone book, social services agency, or through a counselor. You must remember dear sister that Allah (swt) is most compassionate, most merciful. He knows all, and He sees all. No one had the right to abuse you; there is no justification for abuse, and it is NOT your fault.
I want you to focus on healing, taking care of yourself, being good to yourself, nurturing your injured child within, and looking to a brighter future. Keep close to Allah (swt), make du’aa’ that He grants ease. Know that Allah (swt) loves you, and sees all injustices and hurts inflicted upon His servants. You will be blessed dear sister, please just reach out and get the counseling that you need so you can find peace finally and begin a happy secure life.
You are in our prayers.
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