As-Salaam ’Alaikum sister,
You need to decide if divorce is best for you or staying in your marriage is an option through marriage counseling to work through the issues of resentment and hurt that you described. Although children are a very important factor to consider, you must also consider if staying together is good for the children as well. Children with parents who have negative energy is not necessarily a better solution than “just staying together for the children.” Children can grow up with a lot of suffering if the parents are suffering and fighting constantly. Thus, if you want to do what is best for children, then:
(1) Get marriage counseling first and foremost to see if it will help.
(2) Get spiritual counseling from your Imam to strengthen your faith and implement the prophetic guidance on having a good character with one another.
(3) If you decide to get divorced after the above steps, then consider your legal choices of getting divorce and receiving state aid, and your husband would pay alimony if you are financially dependent on him.
I understand that divorce might sound scary at first, but sometimes it is better for one’s family and faith to leave a situation that is oppressive and destructive. Yet, you must take all measure to heal before knowing this with certainty.
Since you two are in your three month period of reconciliation, reflect on these verses of the Quran from Surat at-Talaq (Divorce). You must consider the Divine guidance in your affairs and request that your Imam explain the whole surat to you and consider how it applies to your situation.
“So when they (women/wife) have reached their prescribed time, then retain them with kindness or separate them with kindness, and call to witness two men of justice from among you, and give upright testimony for Allah. With that is admonished he who believes in Allah and the latter day; and whoever is careful of (his duty to) Allah, He will make for him an outlet,
And give him sustenance from whence he thinks not; and whoever trusts in Allah, He is sufficient for him; surely Allah attains His purpose; Allah indeed has appointed a measure for everything. “(Quran 65:2-3)
These verses give us guidance to behave in equity and kindness during the waiting period and how to divorce. If you have sincerity, trust, and dependence in Allah, He will make a way out for you and provide for you, but you must take practical steps, you and your husband must do your part.
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