My sister doesn’t pray and she doesn’t do anything, no work, she doesn’t clean the house, always sleeping, putting the whole family in hostile living. She doesn’t want to get help.
I’m concerned for my niece's mental health and safety. What can I do?
Answer
In this counseling post:
- People who struggle with substance misuse and severe neglect are often suffering deeply themselves, and are in need of help.
- Her daughter also needs protection, care, and attention. Children deserve a safe and nurturing environment, and it is important to make sure her needs are being met.
Assalamualaikum sister,
Thank you for your question. You wrote about your sister, who has been struggling with alcohol. I am not entirely sure whether you meant that she started drinking when she was 10 years old or whether this problem has been going on for 10 years. You also mentioned that she has been like this for 18 years and that after her divorce, she started drinking again.
She now has a 5-year-old daughter, and you are very concerned about the child because your sister does not seem able to care for her properly. From what you describe, there may be neglect and hostility. You mentioned that your sister is not managing daily responsibilities, which creates a difficult living situation for the child.
What happened to her?
What you describe suggests that your sister may be dealing with something very serious. I cannot diagnose her, but it sounds as though she could be struggling with unresolved trauma, mental health difficulties, or another significant issue. Her behaviour is concerning and indicates that she is not well and needs support.
At the same time, her daughter also needs protection, care, and attention. Children deserve a safe and nurturing environment, and it is important to make sure her needs are being met.
I completely understand your frustration, sadness, and anger. It is very painful to witness a child being neglected. However, it may help to remember that people who struggle with substance misuse and severe neglect are often suffering deeply themselves. Your sister may be carrying unresolved pain, trauma, shame, or other emotional burdens that make it difficult for her to function and care for others.
We often focus on blame when we see someone behaving in harmful ways, but it is important to ask what may have happened to bring that person to such a dark place. Understanding does not excuse harmful behaviour, but it can help guide a more compassionate and effective response.
Helping her too
You did not mention your relationship with her. But in general, it may be helpful to approach her with compassion and concern. She likely needs professional help and support. If possible, try talking with her gently but firmly. Ask her how she is coping, what difficulties she is facing, and how you can support her. Listening without judgment may encourage her to open up and accept help.
If your sister can begin to heal and receive appropriate treatment, this could greatly benefit both her and her daughter.
That said, if the child is currently unsafe or her basic needs are not being met, it may be necessary to contact local social services or another appropriate support agency. They can advise you on how to protect the child while also helping the mother access the support she needs.
I do not know what role the child’s father plays in the situation, but if there are safe family members who can help care for the child temporarily, including yourself, that may also be worth considering while your sister receives support.
I hope this helps, and I pray that both your sister and her daughter receive the support and care they need.