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How to Make My Daughter Love Prayer?



Reply Date

Oct 22, 2018


As-salamu `Alaikum counselor, I need your advice, My daughter is 12-year-old. I keep trying to remind her to pray but it seems that the prayer is a heavy burden on her. When I asked her “have you prayed today?” she said “yes I did”, but actually she was not. I started to yell at her because she lies to me. She just puts the prayer rug on the ground but without praying just to show me she was praying. I don’t want to yell at her but her lies make me nervous and lose my temper. How can I help my daughter pray by herself without quarreling? Any advice?



In this counseling answer:

•Children learn by example and if you are use to praying in your room, you may want to pray in a more public part of the home so she can see you praying and pray with you.

• You might also want to add some nice bonding time after prayer such as sharing a sweet or doing something enjoyable for a few minutes.

As-salamu alaykum sister,

It sounds as if your daughter is having difficulty in understanding the importance of prayer and her obligation. I would kindly suggest that instead of yelling and getting upset, that you instead try to cultivate in her a deeper love of Allah and understanding of the significance of prayer within her.

This can be done insha’Allah by reading with her stories, watching video’s, listening to CD’s and audio’s which will insha’Allah cultivate a deeper connection and sense of responsibility as well as love. Some good teaching tools should be available at your local Islamic center or online.
Also, check out your Masjid and see if they have a Teen Girls Halaqa.

Usually these girl groups take place once a week and are very beneficial in cultivating comradary among young Muslim girls, provides Islamic education as well as fun activities. Many young Muslim girls who initially were not interested in praying, wearing hijab etc. found a new love of Islam and self as a Muslim, while attending groups such as these.

Check out this counseling video:

Islamic groups for young girls are important as they form lasting friendships, they learn new things about Islam as well as about themselves as budding teens. Often there is power in groups for young teens as they are quick to bond and learn as a collective.

When you pray sister, have your daughter pray with you. Children learn by example and if you are use to praying in your room, you may want to pray in a more public part of the home so she can see you praying and pray with you. You might also want to add some nice bonding time after prayer such as sharing a sweet or doing something enjoyable for a few minutes.

This extra act of engagement is not to be taken as a bribe but rather as an association. If she starts to associate enjoyable, good things with prayers, she will be more apt to get into the habit of praying while she is learning more of how to connect her heart.

Insha’Allah, keep persistent sister and your efforts will be worth it. Insha’Allah, remember that one seeks to please Allah for the sake of Allah-because one loves Allah, thus cultivating that love with your daughter will stay with her a lifetime, insh’Allah!

We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers.


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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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