To maintain a gap for the next pregnancy, I tried all methods, but they are affecting my health. Hence, the doctor advised me to plan for the next pregnancy, and then wind up with a family planning operation (sterilization). What can I do? What will help me?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•It is a time for forgiveness – forgiveness, of those around you, your body, and yourself. Keeping a diary can help much to unravel the thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself, so sister, turn to Allah (SWT) and ask for forgiveness for what is in His hands with your help.
•Each day that dawns is a day full of the potential for change, for an opportunity, for new horizons, it is only us as human beings, that hold it back when we hold onto the past.
As-salamu `Alaykum,
Thank you for sharing with us your situation, and we pray that a child for you is not too far away, in sha’ Allah.
We can imagine how much anguish you must be experiencing right now, so much so that you were unable to provide more details for us.
As such, it is difficult to comment without knowing more about your health situation and the doctors’ understanding of your predicament. So, unfortunately, we can only comment in general terms.
The womb is a precious gift from Allah (SWT). The women’s reproductive system is influenced by her:
•Perception of herself as a woman
•Emotions
•Lifestyle
Perception as a Woman
As children growing up, as a result of the domestic environment in which we were raised in our homes, our perception of our female bodies can be affected. This is, particularly in the West. For whatever reason, through family inter-relations, we learn not to trust our bodies, and can even resent our bodies, especially the parts that define us as women.
It is the mind that has a greater power over the body than the body over the mind, and the feeling of creativity can be removed from our lives to the extent that we too feel that we are unable to create or give birth to an idea, let alone to ourselves.
This might seem like a ludicrous idea, but one example of a case presented by the renowned obstetrician-gynecologist, Dr. Christians Northrup, demonstrates this point. One woman like you suffered from miscarriages. For her also, the anguish was great to the extent that it had affected her relationship with her husband. Turning in on herself, she began to write down her thoughts and draw pictures which became a part of her healing process. She said:
“I am learning to love my ovaries, fallopian tubes, and uterus. I drew some pictures honouring my reproductive organs. I noticed at first that they were totally separate from my body. In some drawings, they were yearning for a connection. Then I drew them reaching out to me – seeking connection…. I was able to create a positive and loving image of myself, and return m reproductive organs to their proper place where I look at them in gratitude for giving me a son [from a previous marriage], and making me a woman.”
Emotions
Sometimes, because one’s body keeps on miscarrying, a woman begins to lose faith in her body to create and nurture. One study by Dr. Robert Weil, an expert in emotional aspects of fertility, found that:
“Th pregnant woman functions as a communication system. The fetus is a source of continuous messages to which the mother responds with subtle psychobiological adjustments. Her personality, influenced her by her ever-changing life situation, can either:
•Act upon the fetus to maintain its constant growth and development or
•Create physiological changes that can result in an abortion
Lifestyle
If one’s lifestyle is hectic, demanding, and allows for no space for you to feel positive about yourself and thus your body, then your lifestyle is working against the needs of your body which functions to a different set of rhythms as far as life is concerned. Too much-continued stress and taking of contraceptive pills upset the biorhythm of the body.
If you have had no time to grieve for your losses, this too can contribute towards you feeling alienated from your body produced, and is capable of producing.
If the people around you made you feel inadequate in any way, this too can add to the communications between your mind and your reproductive organs. It is important that you do go through a grieving process, and realize that your body has the capability to have children.
It is a time for forgiveness – forgiveness, of those around you, your body, and yourself. Keeping a diary can help much to unravel the thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself, so sister, turn to Allah (SWT) and ask for forgiveness for what is in His hands with your help. Each day that dawns is a day full of the potential for change, for an opportunity, for new horizons, it is only us as human beings, that hold it back when we hold onto the past.
Salam,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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