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My Son Shows Violent Tendencies

16 January, 2022
Q My son shows violent tendencies, he is 4 years old. At home or whenever we go outside, he plays violently with other kids, screaming shouting, throwing away thing and biting. I'm very worried this will be his character when he grows up. How can I deal with this?

Answer

In  this counseling answer:

Monitor what he watches on TV if you don’t already. Even cartons can be violent. If he is in school, ensure his friends are not of the same behaviors.

Set limits and implement discipline. Whenever he acts out, stop him and tell him “no” and tell him it is not nice nor acceptable to act this way.

If he continues, set a punishment. Whether it is taking him away from the playgroup, taking away a special toy, or making him have down time-do it, and do it consistently.

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At the same time, whenever he does something kind, or plays nicely, reward him.


As-salamu alaykum sister,

While I do not know all the details of his home life or if he is in school, it sounds as if he may have been exposed to behaviors which he is exhibiting, thinking they are acceptable.

I would kindly suggest monitoring what he watches on TV if you don’t already. Even cartons can be violent. If he is in school, ensure his friends are not of the same behaviors.

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Set limits and implement discipline. Whenever he acts out, stop him and tell him “no” and tell him it is not nice nor acceptable to act this way. If he continues, set a punishment.

Whether it is taking him away from the playgroup, taking away a special toy, or making him have down time-do it, and do it consistently.

Insha’Allah after a time he will associate his negative behaviors with a negative consequence and the behaviors should start reducing.

At the same time, whenever he does something kind, or plays nicely, reward him. He will also associate acting kindly with getting something nice in return

Lastly dear sister, while some of this is normal in children, if there is anything at home that may be influencing his behaviors, please address it.

Children can easily pick up on stress, anger, sadness or other emotions in the home or at school, so examine his environment as well to ensure it is not a participating factor.

While I am sure he just needs some strict boundaries, rules, and consistent disciple, if it continues despite your efforts, please have him evaluated by his pediatrician.

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.