In this counseling answer:
•Try and remain calm. Talk to him back in a calm respectful manner.
•If he still continues to answer back then inform him that you will continue the conversation later when you are both more calm and ready to discuss things respectfully.
•If these things fail and his disrespect becomes unbearable, then you could consider delivering consequences for his actions to reinforce the fact that his behavior is not ok.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,
Firstly let me reassure you that this behavior is very common in 10-year-old. Developmentally, as they begin to find their voice and take influence from their peers sometimes more than their parents. They begin to question a lot of things, which leads to behavior such as answering back.
In sha Allah, with a little redirection and maturation, it will eventually stop. There are some things you can do to assist him in this process.
As difficult as it can be, the most important thing is to try and remain calm. Talk to him back in a calm respectful manner and this will bring his temper down to be at the same level as yours. Once he is at this point, he will become calmer and talk in a more respectful way.
If he still continues to answer back and you feel you can’t remain calm also then inform him that you will continue the conversation later when you are both more calm and ready to discuss things respectfully. Remember, he sees you as a role model and will mirror your actions, so remaining calm and dealing with things respectful fully will encourage the same in him too.
Additionally, answering back can be a way for a child to feel like their voice is being heard. Therefore, it may not be that he is being aggressive in any way, but feels that this is the only way he can have his voice heard. He does need to know that this is not the appropriate way to make his voice heard, but you can make things easier by stopping and hearing him out.
Let him say what he wants to and let him know that you are listening to him. If he feels heard then he will less likely feel the need to answer back as he feels like he has been listened to.
If these things fail and his disrespect becomes unbearable, then you could consider delivering consequences for his actions to reinforce the fact that his behavior is not ok. Starting with mild, but calm verbal warning, to begin with, progressing to more serious consequences such as taking away something that he enjoys; a toy or a game for example.
Check out this counseling video:
Make sure to let him know why you are doing this so he can we see the link between his disrespectful behavior and the consequences. When he is ready to talk about it, you can discuss why his behavior is not ok and explore with him alternative ways to deal with his frustration or whatever is making him feel like answering back. At this point, you can return what you took away from him.
May Allah make it easy for you and help you to nurture an Allah fearing child who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.
We wish you the best.
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