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My Son Doesn’t Respect Me

Questioner

S

Reply Date

Sep 15, 2019

Question

As-salamu alaykum. I need your help, I have a problem with my son ,he is undisciplined, and he doesn't respect me or his father and even the old aged. This really embarrasses me.He is very frank, and can say anything that comes into his mind. My maid cannot cope with him because of this. He says everybody hates him and nobody loves him including me, his own mother despite that we provide him the best in terms of everything. I don’t know why does he act like that. Please advise.

Counselor

Answer


Respect

In this counseling answer:

•Talk with him about what is bothering him (age appropriate).

•Do more listening rather than talking. Spend time with him doing things he finds enjoyable.

•Ask about school, how things are going for him as far as friends, grades and studies.

•Get him involved in Islamic studies for children as well as fun Islamic activities.


As-salamu alaykum dear sister,

While you did not say how old your son is, it does sound like he is seeking attention and testing his limits.

Children also often act out when they are unhappy, angry, sad or have other negative emotions.

Communicate with him

I would kindly suggest trying to talk with him about what is bothering him (age appropriate) and do more listening rather than talking.

I would also suggest that if you are not already, spend time with him doing things he finds enjoyable. It will create trust and further bonding insha’Allah.

Check his environment 

Ask about school, how things are going for him as far as friends, grades and studies. Often times when there are problems in school or making friends, it comes out in a child’s behavior.


Check out this counseling video


Engage him in activities 

Lastly, get him involved in Islamic studies for children as well as fun Islamic activities. Being around other boys who are respectful and kind may help him see his behaviors are not appropriate and insha’Allah he may start modeling the positive behaviors he sees.

If you notice further signs of depression such as crying, lethargy, threats of self-harm, disturbed sleeping or eating patterns, nightmares, or destructive behaviors (throwing, hitting, breaking things etc.) please do engage a child therapist to evaluate him.

While depending on his age he may just be testing the boundaries (which you must set for him) it is better to get him evaluated if it continues or worsens despite your attempts to find out his feelings and correct his behaviors.

You are in our prayers, please let us know how he is doing.


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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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