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My Son Doesn’t Respect Me

08 March, 2021
Q As-salamu alaykum.

I need your help, I have a problem with my son, he is undisciplined, and he doesn't respect me or his father and even the old aged.

This really embarrasses me. He is very frank and can say anything that comes into his mind. My maid cannot cope with him because of this.

He says everybody hates him and nobody loves him including me, his own mother despite that we provide him the best in terms of everything.

I don’t know why does he act like that. Please advise.


In this counseling answer:

•Talk with him about what is bothering him (age appropriate).

•Do more listening rather than talking. Spend time with him doing things he finds enjoyable.

•Ask about school, how things are going for him as far as friends, grades and studies.

•Get him involved in Islamic studies for children as well as fun Islamic activities.

As-salamu alaykum dear sister,

While you did not say how old your son is, it does sound like he is seeking attention and testing his limits.

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Children also often act out when they are unhappy, angry, sad or have other negative emotions.

Communicate with him

I would kindly suggest trying to talk with him about what is bothering him (age appropriate) and do more listening rather than talking.

I would also suggest that if you are not already, spend time with him doing things he finds enjoyable. It will create trust and further bonding insha’Allah.

My Son Doesn't Respect Me - About Islam

Check his environment 

Ask about school, how things are going for him as far as friends, grades and studies. Often times when there are problems in school or making friends, it comes out in a child’s behavior.

Engage him in activities 

Lastly, get him involved in Islamic studies for children as well as fun Islamic activities. Being around other boys who are respectful and kind may help him see his behaviors are not appropriate and insha’Allah he may start modeling the positive behaviors he sees.

Check out this counseling video

If you notice further signs of depression such as crying, lethargy, threats of self-harm, disturbed sleeping or eating patterns, nightmares, or destructive behaviors (throwing, hitting, breaking things etc.) please do engage a child therapist to evaluate him.

While depending on his age he may just be testing the boundaries (which you must set for him) it is better to get him evaluated if it continues or worsens despite your attempts to find out his feelings and correct his behaviors.

You are in our prayers, please let us know how he is doing.

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.