Answer
As-Salaamu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh brother,
At three years of age, your son is actually doing very well. To control his bladder at night and not to wet his bed 70-80% of the time is a very good sign and points the arrow away from the physiological reasons towards the psychological ones.
I don’t know whether you are an Arab or not, but in our Arab culture, we tend to toilet train infants as young as 12 months old which is actually scientifically useless due to the fact that the urinary sphincter is not fully mature for this process until 18 –24 months.
Psychologically, toilet training and parenting procedures to reach a diaper free child were put under research for a long time and are thought to be the reason for a lot of psychological disorders.
An American study even showed that it would be much safer not to attempt toilet training at all and the child will learn it spontaneously, which is one of the reasons that you can now find huge diapers in the market. Their theory is that it’s a minor problem compared to the psychological problems it can cause.
I am not telling you to do that because it is evident that your boy is partially toilet trained, but here is my advice:
Relax: your boy is doing very well and until he is 5 years old, you have no reason to be worried.
Do not comment at all when your child wets his pants, just change him very quietly.
When he does make it to the toilet in time with his pants dry, reward him very enthusiastically with powerful words of encouragement.
Never scold the boy in front of anyone, not even his brother or sister. Just don’t scold him on this issue.
Observe other issues in your child life, for example:
*Have you moved to a new house?
*Is there a new baby in the family?
*Is there any pressure at his preschool?
Try to find any external or internal issues that might be bothering your child and try to deal with them consequently. If this problem persists for a year or two, then I would advise you to get your child checked both physiologically and psychologically. Insha’allah he will grow up into a lovely strong boy, having caring parents like you.
Please do inform me of his progress, and if you discover a psychological reason, don’t hesitate to follow up.