What made me feel so is her high ability in expressing her feelings very accurately and articulately. Also, she is very keen and willing to learn new things and asks so many questions.
She also has a very good memory. She likes to act very much and she is talented in acting. We are Egyptians but living in the States. This situation made her hear and speak 2 languages (Arabic and English) at a very young age.
I think this is another indication of her cleverness. My main question is how to invest in this high intelligence and cleverness?
I feel it is best to invest every second in her time to build on that. Advise please.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- You can enhance your child’s environment to nurture her intellectual growth by providing her with plenty of creative activities that are fun. Provide her with puzzles, origami, art supplies, etc.
- Don’t bombard her with so many toys that she doesn’t know how to play with any one of them. Give her a couple of favorites to explore and pretend with. Your child will lead you.
- If, after you have offered her a variety of activities over time, you notice a special interest, then help her to focus on that.
- Normalize her mind’s inquisitiveness and help her to find some friends who might also find themselves in a similar “gifted” category.
- Teach her social skills; let her grow up as a child.
Teach her social skills; let her grow up as a child.
Please watch a recent movie called “Gifted”. It will provide you with some guidance.
Answer from Dr. Maryam Bachmeier:
As-Salam ‘Alaykum,
It is very likely that you have what we call a “gifted” child. One thing I would like to caution you about is that pushing such a child can backfire. First, I will answer your questions, and then I will get back to this.
Nurture Her Intellectual Growth
You can enhance your child’s environment to nurture her intellectual growth by providing her with plenty of creative activities that are fun. Provide her with puzzles, origami, art supplies, etc.
This list is endless, actually. Of all the enrichment activities that have been advocated for gifted children, playing an instrument, learning math, learning even another third language, and playing pretend games (or acting lessons) are all considered to be activities that can boost IQ even more.
Let your child tinker with some musical instruments and see if she fancies one. Give her a book of fun math puzzles.
Find a fun another language, and play the CDs while she is coloring; get the words to those songs in that language and sing with her and the CD while reading the lyrics.
You can also teach her to play Charades. These are all activities that would be good for all children but are considered to be activities that might increase mental acuity as well.
Help Her Focus
If, after you have offered her a variety of activities over time, you notice a special interest, then help her to focus on that.
One mistake parents sometimes make is providing too many options making it difficult for the child to focus on one thing.
Don’t bombard her with so many toys that she doesn’t know how to play with any one of them. Give her a couple of favorites to explore and pretend with. Your child will lead you.
Check out this counseling video
You say that she is articulate, so she will probably be a very good reader. Take her to the library where she will be exposed to many subjects; and chances are she will attach to one or two subjects more than others. You can go with this.
Creativity
You mentioned her expressiveness, which means that she is probably very creative, so make sure that you offer her different ways of expressing herself artistically.
The thing to keep in mind about gifted children is that you don’t have to push them to be intelligent, it is their natural state. It is more important that you allow her to be herself and love her the way she is. Allah has her destiny and created her for a reason.
You don’t need to mold her into your own prodigy. That might even hurt her. Make sure you provide a relaxing nurturing environment for her and don’t try to “invest every second in her time”.
Show Her Love
Allow her to unfold, and she will. This is where I began. I want to caution you from getting overexcited about your child’s intelligence to the point where you are not seeing who she is as a human being.
Gifted children often feel like they don’t belong anywhere, even unloved. This is because they find it hard to relate to their peers or, rather, their peers often find it hard to relate to them.
They need to have conversations, and to be engaged in activities that stimulate their minds. They also need to know that they are loved. Don’t draw too much attention to her “superior intellect”.
Having a “superior intellect” can become very lonely. Rather, normalize her mind’s inquisitiveness and help her to find some friends who might also find themselves in a similar “gifted” category.
She is only 4 years old now, so you probably have not yet seen this issue emerge. But I want to prepare you. When she is in about the 3 rd grade or so, this is where she may begin to show signs of depression if she has not figured out how to make friends.
It is difficult to make friends if you can’t find any that are on the same “wavelength”. With that said, getting her involved in playgroups now will be the best thing you can do for her.
The point is gifted children will learn; they will keep using their minds as long as you keep enriching their environment with the things that little minds thrive on.
Teach Her Social Skills
What is equally important is that she learns social skills so that she will not feel the sting that many gifted people feel when they have spent so much time on their intellectual pursuits, but do not know how to “fit in”.
Not that you are going to force her to completely “fit in” either, but you will want to be there for her to help her learn how to “gracefully be different” if that is her destiny.
This way, she will love and accept herself, and will likely find acceptance from her peers also. I don’t mean to over caution you. Keep it simple.
The main point is to get to know her rhythms, know when she has had enough stimulation and needs quiet time, and stay in tune with her as she grows older into school age.
It sounds like you have a lovely daughter and Allah has truly blessed you. She will no doubt bless all of us as she learns to love Allah In shaa’ Allah.
Truly with all of the advice I have mentioned, certainly, teaching her Quran now could be the single most important gift that you could give her, and she will no doubt gift humanity with her wisdom if you start her on the Right Path with Quran and Hadeeth at a young age.
This world needs young women gifted with the Wisdom and Love of Allah. Keep up the good work! You are a wonderful parent Subhan Allah.
Answer from Dr. Mohammed Sadiq:
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum,
I am glad that you wrote to me about this. Alhamdulillah, it is very nice that Allah (swt) has blessed your daughter with special talents and gifts.
She may be very intelligent but emotionally remains a child. It is very important for parents to allow the children to go through normal stages of development rather than pushing them to excel faster than other children of their age.
Doing so often makes them not fit anywhere, socially, psychologically, and emotionally. Often I have seen them suffering from all kinds of symptoms, such as depression, aggression, arrogance, inability to make friends, loneliness, etc.
So, my suggestion is not to get over-enthused to make the best of every second of her small life to build on her ‘cleverness’. However, allow her to be the child she is and let her develop normally with her age group children.
I know, being an Egyptian :), it would be difficult for you to do so, because of how you value so much excelling in education and getting on the top as fast as possible.
But, it will be better in the end for your daughter. This does not mean that you don’t provide her extra opportunities to learn and grow interests in all kinds of things, but let her do it at her own pace.
Hope this helps, In sha’ Allah.
Salam,
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