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How to Deal With A Spoiled Child?

17 December, 2021
Q My son is 4 years old. He doesn’t go to a nursery. He wants whatever someone else has, no matter what it is, and refuses to share anything with anyone.

He cries and screams for anything he wants and never shares toys with other kids. He is my only baby. His father and I have tried to break him from this, but nothing seems to work. How to deal with this spoiled boy?


In this counseling answer:

•Enroll him in nursery school.

•At home, please do set up tighter boundaries for his behaviors and try to have his time structured with activities.

As salamu alaykum,

I’m sorry to hear what you are going through with your son.  As an only child, it sounds like he has not been socialized enough at this point to learn skills like sharing, asking for things in an appropriate manner as well as his inappropriate reactions such as crying and screaming when he can’t get what he wants.

This is evident by his behavior with other children. While some if this is typical for his developmental age, part of it lies upon you and your husband!

As he is an only child, I am sure he is well-loved and possibly catered to. This is most common with first children and only children.  As parents, we want to ensure our child is happy and well adjusted. However, oftentimes in trying to secure this in our child we overlook the obvious-we have spoiled our child and we are letting the child run us!

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How to Deal With A Spoiled Child? - About Islam

I would kindly suggest dear sister that you and your husband sit down and talk.  Agree among yourselves how your parenting will now change insha’Allah to be more conducive for not only his developmental age but for his future development as well.

I would kindly suggest that you do enroll him in nursery school, at least part-time. As he has no siblings this experience could be beneficial insha’Allah and provide him with structure, social skills as well as the opportunity to make new friends.  It may be difficult for a while as he may be resistant, however, after time he should adjust.

Check out this counseling answer:

At home, please do set up tighter boundaries for his behaviors and try to have his time structured with activities.  Mealtime, playtime,  family time, as well as bedtime, should occur around the same time everyday insha’Allah.

By providing a structured day you are teaching him what is expected from him and when. You are also instilling a sense of responsibility and feelings of security. When a child knows what is expected of him/her and around what time, they tend to function better at handling any stressors that come with day to day living.

As far as he’s crying and screaming when he can’t get his own way, explain to him this is not accepted and remove him from the situation until he can act appropriately.

Do not give in to him as this only reinforces his negative behaviors.  If he has hurt someone or grabbed a toy, tell him to apologize. You may have to monitor his interaction with other children and intervene with modeling behaviors to show him the proper way to share, ask for things as well as how to treat others.

Sister, it may take a while to change these behaviors but with consistency,  patience and you and your husband taking control (rather than him taking control) it can be done.  Many parents who have successfully gone through this with their young children and utilized patience, persistence as well as a more structured environment with teachable moments.

We wish you the best, you are in our prayers.


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My Child Has Bad Manners, What Can I Do?

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.