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My Child Has Bad Manners, What Can I Do?

Questioner

D

Reply Date

May 19, 2019

Question

As-salamu alaikum dear counselor, I need your advice. My child has bad manners , what can I do? He is 7 year- old. Thank you!

Counselor

Answer


manners

In this counseling answer:

•Examine his home and school environment and try to correct anything which may be contributing to his bad manners.

•Try to monitor what he is watching on TV or any video’s he is playing (if you are not already). Set up boundaries and consequences, and be consistent with him.

•Explain to him what behaviors and actions are rude, and what the consequences are.


As-salamu alaykum,

Thank you for writing, I am sorry to hear about your child’s manners, however, it is a common complaint many parents have with a valid concern. All parents want their children to have good manners, and when certain stages come in a child’s life, they try to exert their defiance and independence. this is what you may be seeing with your child, however as I do not know his behaviors surrounding his manners,m it is hard to say.

Insha’Allah I would begin by examining his home and school environment. Is he learning bad manners from anyone in the home or school? What about his friends? Are they well mannered or are they lacking in manners as well?

I would insha’Allah examine his environment and try to correct anything which may be contributing to his bad manners. Additionally, I would kindly suggest monitoring what he is watching on TV or any video’s he is playing (if you are not already). Lastly, I would kindly suggest that you set up boundaries and consequences, and be consistent with him.

My Child Has Bad Manners, What Can I Do? - About Islam

Explain to him what behaviors and actions are rude, and what the consequences are. For example, if he doesn’t greet his playmates kindly, a consequence may be that he is removed from the social affair. If he leaves his clothes all over the floor and does not pick them up-perhaps his clothes will disappear for awhile (it would really be sad for him if it was his favorite play outfit!). By the same token, if you see him displaying good manners, compliment him on it and do something nice for him. In time he will associate good manners with good outcomes, and bad manners with negative outcomes.

Lastly, sit with him every night if possible and tell him stories about our beloved Prophet (PBUH) and show examples of his kindness and manners. Read Qur’an to him outlining Allah’s commands for good manners as well as the benefit of good manners.


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Insha’Allah with consistency, consequences and good Islamic examples, your son will outgrow this and return to being the well manner child you raised him to be.

Raising healthy, kind children is a challenge at times, but with Allah’s help, as parents, we somehow make it through! You both are in our prayers.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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