How to Convince My Parents to Let Me Marry Outside Our Tribe?

18 November, 2020
Q What do you do islamically as a female if your parents disapprove of your future partner due to his tribe? They want you to only marry from their tribe.

Answer

Short Answer: 

  • There is no nationalism or racism in Islam. Allah has forbidden mankind from discriminating against each other on the basis of caste and ethnicity.
  • Refusing to give consent to marriage out of arrogance, or due to disdain for other tribes, is a sin. This reason for refusing an otherwise good marriage proposal is not justified in Islam.

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Asalaamu alaykum, and thank you for sending in your question to our website.

May Allah reward you for trying to find a solution for the dilemma that you are in, sister. I ask Allah to grant you ease and a positive outcome for the situation that you find yourself in.

Marriage vs a Romantic Relationship

Sister, first of all, I would like to convey an important reminder. Islam does not allow a man and woman to become involved in a romantic relationship. Rather, Islam encourages marriage, and that too, at an early age. There is great wisdom behind these Divine rulings.

Becoming involved with someone outside of marriage often leads to emotions and feelings that hamper one’s judgment. One is then unable to correctly discern the long-term practical aspects of the union of such a couple.

Allah knows too well the problems that these relationships cause. Hence, He has forbidden them.

Why Parents Marry Within Ethnic Tribes

It is true that there is no nationalism or racism in Islam. Allah has forbidden mankind from discriminating against each other on the basis of caste and ethnicity.

That being said, hailing from the same culture, race, region, and ethnicity makes marriages easier to last. The reason for this is the common ground between the couple, increasing their compatibility.

Our parents and other elders are well aware of the challenges and problems that arise in a marriage. This is because they have weathered such storms themselves, and witnessed their peers do the same.

These are some of the reasons why parents often prefer to marry off their wards within their own tribes. However, doing this out of arrogance, or due to disdain for other tribes, is a sin. This reason for refusing an otherwise good marriage proposal is not justified in Islam.

How to Convince My Parents to Let Me Marry Outside Our Tribe?

First of all, sister, you should perform an earnest istikharah prayer to seek Allah’s help. Keep performing this prayer regularly, especially whenever you feel anxious or distressed.

Secondly, try to consult a righteous and trustworthy elder in your extended family, or family friends. You may invite them to discreetly arbitrate between you and your parents. Be careful that the person you choose be someone whom your parents really respect and listen to. Keep performing sincere istikharah. These efforts will soon show results, God willing.

Conclusion: Keep an Open Mind & Heart

In the end, sister, I would like to point out one important thing. Many a time, we are not really aware of what will be good for us. Allah is, however, all-aware of our past, present and future. He created us, so He knows even the thoughts inside our minds, and the feelings inside our hearts. Consequently, He knows what is best for us, even if it is painful for us to accept.

Therefore, keep an open mind and heart, and submit wholeheartedly to Allah’s eventual decree. Let the tears roll, if need be, but accept whatever outcome He brings about. With time, you will be able to see the great wisdom and good in His decree for you both.

I ask Allah to decide that which is best for your life in this world, as well as the next. Ameen.

I hope that this answers your question.

Salam. Please stay in touch.

(From Ask About Islam archives)

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