- Islam is about bringing peace of mind for people and making them happy. Islam does not ruin peoples’ life. It is about building peoples’ life on love and compassion.
- I am sad that you developed a feeling that Islam is not for you. Allah guides to Islam whom He wants. Islam is a blessing that you should thank Allah for. This blessing is felt most by those who are deprived of it.
- Let me be clear with you what your father is practicing has nothing to do with the real teachings of Islam. Beating wives is against the teachings of Islam.
- You are to wear the hijab outdoors. But, you can still enjoy the rays of the sun in your backyard or balcony. You can go to the cinema that presents good art. But avoid drinking wine as it is prohibited in Islam and there is nothing to enjoy in it.
Wa Alaykum Assalam Dear Sister,
Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.
We pray to God the Almighty to make a way out for you from your dilemma.
What is Islam?
First let’s agree that Islam is not to be judged by people’s practices. Islam is different from what people do. Islam is about enjoying the lawful things that God allowed. Islam is about love, cooperation, mutual understanding, and respecting women.
Marriage is a sacred bond in Islam. It is about building a sound family based on love and respect. Islam teaches that marriage should be based on acceptance from the two parties.
Matrimony is about mutual responsibility. Men are to provide security for the family. Men also should take care of the financial needs of the family. The wife can help her husband financially out of her free choice without any form of coercion. A wife’s caring for the family is highly rewarded in Islam. Her housework is a kind of struggle which should be appreciated by her husband.
Remember that no one has the right to force you to ever marry someone without your approval and at the same time you do not have the right to get married without your guardian’s permission.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said:
“A previously-married woman should not be married without consulting her and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allah, how does she give her permission?” He said, “If she remains silent.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Be sure, sister, that your husband is waiting for you. Make a lot of du`aa’ (supplication) to Allah to help you find the suitable man that deserves you. Be sure that as long as you are keen to establish a good Muslim family, Allah will guide you to the best decision.
Islam is more about Halal than Haraam
You are to wear the hijab outdoors. But, you can still enjoy the rays of the sun in your backyard or balcony. You can go to the cinema that presents good art. But avoid drinking wine as it is prohibited in Islam and there is nothing to enjoy in it.
I wonder why you do not smile. Is it forbidden to smile? Is it against human nature? What would you say about the narration that reads “your smile in the face of your brother is a kind charity” for which you are rewarded as if you did an act of worship?
Let me be clear with you what your father is practicing has nothing to do with the real teachings of Islam. Beating wives is against the teachings of Islam.
However, I am sure if you ask your mother about the positive aspects of your father, she will tell you a lot. Being a model in your community, your father might be asked to behave in a certain manner. But what you mentioned in your question is an extreme attitude.
Try your best to talk to your parents about your marriage problem. Talk to them about the man you are dreaming of.
Your father’s making your family unhappy with the Islamic rules is his mistake and the way he understands Islam is wrong. Islamic rules and regulations are meant to make peoples’ life in conformity with what Allah wanted for them.
Islam is a blessing
I am sad that you developed a feeling that Islam is not for you. Allah guides to Islam whom He wants. Islam is a blessing that you should thank Allah for. This blessing is felt most by those who are deprived of it.
Islam is about bringing peace of mind for people and making them happy. It does not ruin peoples’ life. On the contrary, it is about building peoples’ life on love and compassion.
Try your best to overcome this feeling by making lots of supplication to Allah. Make a lot of istighfar (seeking Allah’s forgiveness) all the time.
Seek the help of some of your father’s friends or relatives to change his attitude.
We should also distinguish culture from religion concerning marriage. It is reported that a young woman came to the Prophet and told him that her father had given her in marriage to a man without her consent. In reaction, the Prophet gave her the choice either to accept it or reject it.
Love is not a sin in Islam
Love is not a sin in Islam as long as it leads to marriage. In choosing a wife or a husband, love should not be overlooked. A man came to the Prophet and said:
“Oh Prophet of Allah! I am the guardian of an orphan girl. Two men proposed to marry her. One is rich, the other is poor. We like the rich while she likes the poor.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) answered, “For those in love we don’t see any better than marriage.” (Ibn Majah)
This is what Islam offers you in your case and similar cases. But again the problem lies in the way we understand Islam.
So Enclosed in My Village: How Can I Ever Marry?
Islam recognizes your right to choose your husband. Islam allows socializing and interacting with each other provided that piety (taqwa) is maintained. This means private meetings are not allowed. Pre-marital relations are a taboo.
In Islam it is the right of both the husband and wife to see each other before marriage to see what attracts them to each other and to get to know each other. But this should be done in the presence of a family member. The engagement period is a good chance to test each other’s behavior and manners.
To wrap up my answer, I would like to give you glad tidings that Islam has a solution for your problems as long as you put your trust in Allah and ask Him to help you find the man you want.
And Allah knows best.
I hope this helps.
Salam and please keep in touch.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
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