How to Deal with a Proposal From a Non-Practicing Man?

10 June, 2021
Q Aslamu alaikum, I read in your website that born Muslim and others are same. Allah says in Qur'an marry the person who is mumin (believer), but I am marrying a person who belongs to Muslim family, but I do not know who is a real mumin, because nowadays he could not follow Islam but he is a born Muslim. I want to marry a person who is born Muslim, but he didn't follow Islam ... or can I marry a person who is non-Muslim but he is good, he will accept Islam? Accepting Islam means one who submits his/her will to God. Or does he have to do anything other than that?

Answer

Salam dear questioner,

Thank you for your interesting question.

A Sacred Bond

Family is the cornerstone of the society. Islam has laid down certain regulations to have a sound family. Marriage is the only way to establish a family in Islam.

Marriage in Islam is a sacred bond. Islam has forbidden all man-woman relationships outside marriage. Islam blocked all ways that lead to such illicit relationships.

Choosing a life-partner is not an easy decision. Prophet Muhammad gave us some criteria for choosing a spouse in the following hadith:

“A woman may be married for four reasons: her religion; her beauty; her wealth; and her lineage. Marry the one of religion, and you will be successful.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Though the Prophet directed his advice to Muslim men, Muslim women are also meant by the Prophetic advice. Therefore, a woman should choose a man for his religion. A religious or a practicing man will help his religious and practicing woman to build a healthy, sound family.

You stated very serious statements in your question. You said you are marrying a man who does follow Islam.

If you mean that he believes in the basics of Islam, but does not practice, then you have to help him practice the rituals of Islam. He must offer the five daily prayers, fast during the month of Ramadan, give out Zakah, and offer Hajj if he has the physical and financial means.  

Non-Muslim Husband?

A Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man under any pretext. Marrying a non-practicing man in the hope that Allah will guide him is better than marry a non-Muslim man.

If this non-Muslim man is willing to accept Islam, then you have to wait until he takes the decision and converts to Islam. Before embracing Islam, you are not allowed to marry him.

Converting to Islam just to marry you will not be accepted and his conversion is invalid. Conversion to Islam has to be based on full conviction and sincere acceptance in the heart.

Non-Practicing Muslim

Now, coming to the question of whether to marry this non-practicing man or not, it depends on whether he himself wants to marry a practicing woman or not. Does he love you or not?

Does your family accept him or not? Does his family want you as a wife for their son or not? All these factors have to be considered?

Also, you have to ask for guidance from Allah by praying Salat al-Istikharah. If you decide to marry him, be sure that Allah will reward you abundantly for taking the initiative to help him get closer to Allah by performing the rituals of Islam.

You have to be patient and expect some difficulties in guiding this guy to follow the teachings of Islam.

You should also remember that you cannot expect to find the perfect man to marry you. We are humans and we also commit mistakes. You might find a practicing man, but he might not match you in other aspects related to marriage.

You have to test his will to change for the better. If you see some good in him, go ahead and marry him. But if he is not willing to change, then reject the marriage proposal and ask Allah to help you find a suitable spouse.

Captain & Assistant

You should remember that building a family is like sailing a ship. Sailing a ship needs a captain and an assistant.

Likewise, the family needs a leader, the husband, and an assistant, the wife. Both have to share many things so that they fulfill the basic objectives of marriage which are love, compassion, mercy, cooperation, mutual understanding, etc.

We read in the Quran what means:

{And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} (Ar-Rum 30:21)

About the importance of marriage, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me. Get married, for it will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire. (Ibn Majah)

About accepting the proposal of a good practicing Muslim, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and discord (Fasad). If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and discord (Fasad).” They said: “O Messenger of Allah! What if there was something about him?” He said: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry him.” (And he (pbuh) said this) three times. (At-Tirmidhi)

We hope this answers your question.

Please keep in touch.

Salam.

(From Ask About Islam archive)

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/living-islam/your-spouse-and-faith-help-or-hindrance/
https://aboutislam.net/family-society/laying-foundations/the-33-rule-to-choosing-the-right-spouse/