Answer
Answer:
Wa ‘Alaykum As-Salam,
The disappointment you have been experiencing is definitely normal. In general, I would say that from most people’s perspective, what this man, your husband, is doing is truly not fair at all. First, I must explain to you that I am not a Scholar of Islamic Jurisprudence. I am a psychologist. To answer the technical question of whether you would be eligible for divorce according to Sharia law, I highly recommend that you utilize our expert scholars. I certainly believe that much of the anxiety about your rights as a woman will be relieved if you do, in sha’ Allah.
As a human being and as a woman, I am heartbroken to hear that you are being treated like this. It hurts even more to now that a father is refusing to take responsibility for the welfare and healthy upbringing of his son. As a psychologist and community builder, I am worried about the health of family systems which are the foundation of a community.
You asked if you are being abused. A man who does not fulfill his responsibilities towards his family giving the best of his ability is abusing his family. So yes, this neglect seems abusive to me. But what I intuitively want to target as a psychologist and community builder is communication; the lack of connection between you and this man’s family, the fact that the two of you did not discuss how you would make your lives work, and how you would divide your shared responsibilities for the family and household that you agreed to co-create are areas worth investigating. Is this inability to communicate effectively so that you can optimally co-create a mutually satisfying situation which is not only good for both of you, but is also in the best interest of the children, something that you can improve? Since you did not set the foundation prior to your marriage for sustainable stability of the emotional, financial, practical, psychological, and spiritual needs of your son, is your husband willing to work with you to find a way to co-parent and get those needs for your son now? Even if you divorce, this man, who is the father of this young child, has a responsibility for his welfare.
With all this said, for now, get some counseling for yourself. You must take care of yourself so that you can evoke the necessary energy that will help you to provide for your son. There is no hurry for divorce. Just getting a divorce probably won’t really solve the actual issues that are confronting you. It does not mean that you do not have the right to divorce, or that in the long run a divorce will help you. But for now, you should focus on the first few basic steps of real survival so that your son can experience stability and emotional safety.
Those first steps include, as I mentioned, getting some counseling in order to balance your busy schedule and complicated financial situation, stabilizing your emotions, remaining “present” for your son, and providing a healthy and stable environment for him. This also includes reaching out to family and friends and developing a support network system for yourself not to be alone in your parenting and also as a woman. Once you have that in place, the next step is to get marriage counseling if your husband is willing to attend. You can then work on your communication issues, find out what he really wants, and see if you both have compatible goals and are able to provide mutual support for each other – even if you want to walk down the road of separation and divorce while working out a co-parenting plan. It simply does not make sense that a man not only refuses to divorce a woman, but also refuses to be a husband, a father and an active participant in family life. Counseling can help you both to sort out these issues.
I pray that these insights will be helpful to you. I continue to encourage you to ask your questions from our Shari’ah experts as well so that you are well informed. Do not forget to pray to Allah for guidance. All of the outer sources of guidance that you receive (including mind) are simply general insights for you to consider as you seek your inner guidance that is given to you by Allah to uncover the best path for you and your son.
May your future be blessed and bright.
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.