She is actively doing things to get a little bit better, like trying out different medications for her mental health, etc. Day by day she is slowly getting better, but there is no clear huge significant change. She has had these mental health issues for years, varying in different topics and varying in different levels of severities at different stages in her life. There is a possibility she doesn't get 100% cured.
She receives marriage proposals here and there, but turns them all down immediately out of fear of exposing these issues and being rejected because of these issues, as well as out of fear of displeasing Allah through the means of marrying someone while dealing with these issues because of the potential sins and blockages she may end up in/end up causing due to this situation. Some of her main concerns regarding getting married whilst dealing with these issues: 1. These issues may be passed down to offspring.
2. She may be a burden on her husband and children at times because of her mental health issues.
3. She may struggle in some aspects of marriage and deen because of these issues.
4. She fears committing some sort of shirk if she falls too deeply in love with her husband, as she has struggled with limerence issues in the past when it came to having crushes and feels that the main reason she is wanting to get married is not revolving around it being for the sake of Allah.
5. She fears losing her relationship with Allah due to the potential overstimulation of starting a family.
Should she just consider not getting married?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- OCD may seem like a mental condition, but it is often deeply connected to emotional issues. For this reason, therapy and emotional healing are highly recommended in your case.
- Every aspect of life can be an act of worship (ibadah). Living a balanced life in accordance with what Allah has prescribed is natural and healthy. These responsibilities do not distract from your relationship with Allah, but they can actually strengthen it.
Assalamu alaikum, sister,
Thank you for your question. You are asking whether it is a good idea to get married while dealing with anxiety and OCD. You mentioned that you are trying to improve, taking medication, and getting a little better, but you are not 100% sure you will fully recover. When proposals come, you immediately reject them because of the fear of being exposed, committing some kind of sin due to marrying in this condition, or displeasing Allah through your actions.
You have raised several important concerns. I will try to address them from a counselor’s perspective, not as an Islamic scholar.
Fears and anxiety
First of all, I am really sorry that you are struggling with this. Anxiety is essentially about dealing with deep fears, and OCD is a form of that. It often develops as a way of coping with those fears through compulsive behaviors that temporarily relieve stress, along with obsessive thoughts and rumination about things that cause fear.
Medication can be very helpful, but I personally believe that identifying and addressing the root causes of these fears is just as important. If those root fears remain, they may continue to show up in different ways over time.
I’m not sure whether you have tried therapy, but emotional healing and exploring the origins of these fears can be very beneficial. Are these fears related to rejection, loss, or feeling “not good enough”? Do they come from childhood experiences, trauma, or emotional disconnection? These are important areas to explore.
It’s also important to understand that having fears and worries is completely natural and human. This is not something strange, and it is certainly not sinful. These feelings are real, and the first step is to accept and acknowledge them. OCD may seem like a cognitive issue, but it is often deeply connected to emotional issues. For this reason, therapy and emotional healing are highly recommended in your case.
With that being said, your struggle is valid, and there is nothing sinful about being unwell. This is part of the human condition. It can be a test you are facing. It does not mean you have done something wrong, nor is it a punishment. With effort and support, improvement and healing are very possible. You may reach a point where anxiety still exists, but you are able to manage it effectively.
Managing emotions
The goal is not to eliminate all fear or stress, but to develop the ability to handle them so they no longer control you. You can learn to feel confident in managing these experiences without being overwhelmed.
Regarding your concern about how this might affect your future children: it depends. This is something you can explore further with a counselor. It may not be as severe as you imagine. What matters most is your emotional presence and connection. In some cases, high anxiety can affect a person’s ability to be fully present, which can impact relationships, including with children. So yes, it can present challenges, but it is something that can be worked on and improved.
As for your concern about marriage and whether it might negatively affect your relationship with Allah due to stress or overstimulation: it’s important to remember that every aspect of life can be an act of worship (ibadah). Marriage is ibadah. Raising children is ibadah. Living a balanced life in accordance with what Allah has prescribed is natural and healthy. These responsibilities do not distract from your relationship with Allah, but they can actually strengthen it.
Worship is not limited to prayer and dhikr or other rituals. It also includes working on your character, your actions, your compassion, and how you nurture and guide others. Raising children with mercy and care is one of the most noble acts.
Seek healing
On the other hand, you do not need to pressure yourself into marriage if you are not feeling ready yet. I strongly encourage you to seek therapy and focus on emotional healing first. As you grow stronger internally, insha’Allah, you will feel more confident in your decisions. Trust in Allah’s plan, and know that when the time is right, you will be able to make choices with clarity—not from fear, but from strength.
May Allah make it easy for you,
