I’ve been married for 1 year now and just 3 months ago my husband told me he’s married to another woman back in his home country and has a child with her.
I felt shocked and betrayed. I first found out about it accidentally when I scrolled through his phone. He lied at first, then some months later told the real truth when I continued to be suspicious. I wished he could’ve told me about it before I made the decision to marry him. Now my trust in him is completely broken.
He told me when he got married to his first wife in 2015, he was not present during the nikkah because he was hospitalized here in Europe. He said he did not give qabol nor the mahr. It was the family that decided the marriage, against his will. He says he doesn't love her and has never done so. But he has at a later point in time made the marriage real by having a child with her. When he's in his home country, they act like a married couple: share a bedroom and share intimacy. Is his marriage islamically valid despite the fact that he did not say qabol and wasn’t present?
I'm miserable being my husband's second wife. I was put in this situation against my will. I suggested to him that he should divorce his first wife if he doesn't love her and if he wants to be with me. But because of his culture and the problems it’ll cause with his family, he says he can’t do it. I’ve said that I can’t accept the situation and feel forced to leave. I don't feel comfortable sharing my husband.
I don’t want to leave my husband. I love him very much. He’s a good man despite the secret he kept from me. But it’s a big burden to me and I see no other solution but to get out of the picture..
Please help me. Any guidance is appreciated!
JazakAllah Khair.
Answer
Having a first wife and a child is significant enough to be discussed prior to entering into a new marriage.
What can you do if you find out that you have signed up for something without seeing the full picture?
Click on the video and listen to Sr. Aisha’s advice for these situations.
Read more:
- Before Choosing Polygamy – Issues to Consider
- Decoding Language of Lying
- Having a Second Wife in Western Countries
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