Answer
In this counseling answer:
“I kindly suggest that you approach him and tell him you love him and would like to save the marriage, but that you cannot live in a marriage in which haram acts are being committed. Ask him if he would be willing to go for marriage counseling with you or speak with your imam concerning this issue.”
As Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,
Thank you for writing to us. First, congratulations on your new baby! While I am sure this is a time of immense joy for you, I realize it is also a time of sorrow and possibly depression as your husband has been cheating on you. I am so sorry you are going through this. As you just had a baby, this is supposed to be a most special time of bonding and joy between husband and wife. As you know, in Islam, what your husband does is haram, and he will be accountable to Allah for this unless he repents and changes.
While I am not sure where in Nigeria you are located, I suggest dear sister that in sha’ Allah you seek counseling from a therapist in your area to help you deal with the emotional ramifications that can result from a cheating spouse. From that point, you can decide if you want to divorce him or stay and try to make the marriage work. As your husband has been skipping prayers since you were married as well as cheating, I am wondering if you had the chance to get to know him prior to marriage in a halal way. Getting to know one’s future spouse is very important, as you can see. It could be that he always skipped prayers and was always a player (cheater/commit zina). So, maybe what you are seeing dear sister is how he actually always lived his life.
With that said, I kindly suggest that you approach him and tell him you love him and would like to save the marriage, but that you cannot live in a marriage in which haram acts are being committed. Ask him if he would be willing to go for marriage counseling with you or speak with your imam concerning this issue.
If he refuses sister, you have to decide whether you can live with this. Please know that you do have grounds for divorce (khula) and you do not need his permission. Please keep yourself safe if you decide to divorce as he may get angry and retaliate. If you have family or friends in the area whom you can stay with, that would be best in sha’ Allah. But again, try to save your marriage first by going to marriage counseling and perhaps in sha’ Allah getting to the root of his haram and hurtful behaviors. Stay close to Allah, make du’aa’ and ask for His guidance and protection.
You are in our prayers dear sister. Please let us know how you are doing.
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