Obstacles to Being Forgiving
What is it about forgiving others that is so difficult?
If you think about it, you can identify family members and friends you know who have found it almost impossible to be forgiving.
We all might have family members who allowed an argument, over something trivial, to escalate to the point of no return.
Rather than restraining anger, restraining the tongue, and restraining the hands and legs; we sometimes become vulnerable and lose control of ourselves. As a result, an uncle might not be talking to your father, or a mother might be shunning her own daughter or son. The desire not to forgive is not something unnatural.
What is unnatural, with sometimes dire consequences to one’s mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, is the savoring of, the sulking in, and as gory as it sounds, the enjoyment of, the feelings of resentment and anger towards a person.
Feelings Management
As you can tell by now, you and I are responsible for how we manage our feelings, especially when it comes to being forgiving of one another.
As much as we would like to blame our inability to forgive on other people, claiming that we do not forgive because the other person or persons are so bad, so unworthy of forgiveness, the reality is that not forgiving others is more a reflection about who we are, and about our souls more than it is about other people.
Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) has taught us clearly that; exercising self-restraint, especially in situations where we would be justified fully to exact retribution, is an ideal to which every believer should aspire.
We learn from the Prophet (PBUH), as narrated to us by Abu Hurairah, that “the strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.” (Al-Bukhari)
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