Abdullah was a good man, Anisa could not deny. He provided for her and spent quality time, but he did not share Anisa’s love for Islam or her outlook on life. Even though they didn’t have children, Abdullah asked her to drop out of graduate school and focus on her “Islamic duties.” He said a good Muslim woman doesn’t mix with men—even though his job at the hospital required just that, as did his casual friendships with female coworkers.
When Abdullah suggested Anisa remove her hijab, she was aghast. She cried to her mother, and to Anisa’s shock, her mother told her to obey her husband. “We are living in difficult times,” her mother said. “There’s no point in putting hardship on yourself.”
Anisa felt uncomfortable when she walked outside uncovered for the first time, and she could never bring herself to accept this new life. She became so ashamed of herself that she stopped reading Qur’an and she barely prayed. Ultimately, Anisa fell into deep depression and fought thoughts of suicide.
On one particularly distressful day, Anisa took a walk. As the sun warmed her hair and bare arms, Anisa reflected on her life, and she found that she didn’t even know herself anymore.
“Anisa?”
Anisa’s private thoughts were disrupted, and she looked up to find Samir opposite her…and a beautiful woman in hijab with a baby stroller…
Shocked and ashamed, everything came back to her in that moment. She felt angry with herself, her parents, and even Abdullah. But she would get her life back, she told herself, even if it meant divorce…
The Reality of Divorce
Like the fictional character Anisa, most people who reach the point of divorce have a long history of practical and psychological struggles that led them to that point. These men and women do not fantasize about divorce, and they do not take marriage lightly.
“The decision to divorce is never easy, and as anyone who has been through it will tell you, this wrenching, and painful experience can leave scars on adults as well as children for years.”[1]
For Muslims, this decision is all the more difficult because they have to consider the repercussions in this world and in the Hereafter.
Is Divorce As Bad As We Think?
Though it is unquestionable that preserving a marriage is of great importance in Islam, the stigma attached to divorce and the vow “till death do us part” are not Islamic concepts.
Allah says,
“…No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear.” —Al-Baqarah, 2:233
In the chapter Al-Talaaq (Divorce), Allah says,
“…And whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way out for him [from every difficulty]. And He will provide him from [sources] he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him.”—65:2-3
Therefore, it is imperative that we not place impossible restrictions on ourselves. Whether a believer is married or divorced, Allah’s mercy, love, and provision are always near.
Another Point of View
When we look at divorce honestly, we often find that amongst Muslims, it is not always the one seeking divorce who is taking marriage lightly. It is sometimes the parents and families who compel the Anisas and Abdullahs of the world into marrying for the sake of tradition or image—or parents and families whose complete lack of involvement leave youth without guidance when embarking on this life-altering milestone.
Naturally, whether the marriage is “forced” or decided without proper guidance, it is likely only a matter of time before divorce is sought as a last resort to restore psychological or spiritual peace.
And when these men and women raise their hands to Allah and ask for relief, who are we to say they’re discounting the heavy responsibility of marriage?
Divorce at such times may be a tremendous blessing for them, and we should not take this lightly.
References
[1] “Divorce: The Most Difficult Decision You Will Ever Make.” Excerpted from The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Surviving Divorce. BookEnds, LLC. Cited October 23, 2012 on http://life.familyeducation.com/divorce/divorce-counseling/45515.html
This article is from our archive, originally published on an earlier date, and now republished for its importance.
Read more:
- Aging Singles: How Parents Cause Delay in Marriage
- 10 Ways to Avoid Marrying Wrong Person
- Why You Shouldn’t Divorce Without Seeking Counsel First